Lives in Transition

I see,
it has been a very long while, hasn't it?
Long time no see,
with such words uttered every minute after it.
I miss you so,
for your charming soul raised me from low.
I kiss you so
that your mindful soul will forever avoid sorrow.
I wish you so
that your soulful mind would no longer be hollow.
Ravishing glow
that will last until the end of time's flow.

Walking hand in hand
through all of our fears in a very bad land;
we found refuge
in one another while standing in a deluge.
Anchored to the ground,
no winds or seas nor the bad land's sound
shall spin us around,
as we already had one another found.

I see
the word 'forever' carved into our smiles, isn't it?

Kill

Will you perceive yourself as a sordid thing?
A sordid thing who lives with such a daring routine;
dared to follow the routine like a floating bling;
bling bling and all those little showy machines.
Machinery and mascots are the same to you,
for you are unworthy of a light onto you;
for you who stole the minds and bodies of others,
otherwise known as a man who disgraced mothers.
Motherly love was absent, this is what you said;
your sayings are mere lies about human greed,
greediness killed your soul and ruined our lives;
our lives may not be important because it is never you.
You claimed unrivaled importance in your dreams and hopes,
hoping that we would throw our lives away for your goals;
your goals are but our moans, so leave us alone, will you?

Will you see and understand me as a sordid thing?
A sordid thing, trying to catch up with such a daring routine,
dared to console our soul who lost its own bling;
bling bling has flown away into the cores of machines.
Machinery went berserk and revealed itself to be you,
for you are trampled by society's hatred onto you;
for you who misunderstood compassion towards others,
otherwise known as protection of the children of mothers.
Motherly tears were shed, 'nothing' was what you said;
your sayings confused our sanity, faith and greed;
greediness has turned you away from our lives;
our lives were beautiful but were traumatized because of you.
You undermined our efforts to achieve our dreams and hopes,
hoping that one day, our lives will be your realistic goals;
your goals are but harmful to us, so stay away, will you?

Will you comprehend that this cycle will never end,
or are you blinded from the world by the greed of yourself?
I will explain to you why this cycle will never end,
because people kill people to kill themselves.

The Crawl

Staggering less inside,
shattering bests in hide,
gathering the rest
and rummaging through tests
from someone who never lied;
from someone who always tried.

Resisting control over a beast
who never cried "Beast!";
who never tried to feast;
as weak as yeast;
as strong as yeast.
Feared it like a life-changer,
geared up like a rife ranger.

Now I am out of order.
I am a wasted disorder.

Cleansed myself with stained water,
rinsed my soul with feigned blood
inside a long river.
I will drown inside the river,
as I frowned for life,
while a snake slithered.

The snake was me.

Mind in circles,
mind the circles;
mine are whirls,
around and around.

My nightmare;
shamed by society;
chided by communities;
burned by ironies.

Believing in the impossible;
it was all a lie.
There is no longer a reason
to continue this treason
or to create another lie.

-End.

Indecipherable III--A Short Time.

In such a short time, bizarrely unnerving failures resonated with my soul, and such agony is portrayed so violently.

Such a short time is needed, for the world to crumble into pieces; for this serenade to fear my soul; for this logical fallacy to transform into reality.

In this false world of overwhelming truths, such irritating amount of handshakes and agreements are needed in a short time; so irritating, it hurts my eyes.

Silence.

It's with such irony; such a metaphor that is life; it foreshadows pain, sorrow, more sorry feelings and hollow feelings in such a short time.

Relationships in life are conceptualized by humanity in such a short time, and the very humanity of humans are dehumanized, which led to a dead end; the beginning of the deadest end.

All forms of power are stupefied in the most stupidly insipid manner for a short time; let their fortresses shatter into shards of liquid glass.

Falling from the crimson skies into the bones of the devil; the task is to be tasked with countless tasks in such a short time, from a loyal retainer, a friendly beast and a dying scapegoat.

Denying one's own acceptance of fear, of hatred and everything in between--nullified for a short time; for revenge is meaningless without avoiding our victims.

Death can only remain as bones of a dead Death, no living Death shall be born dead and fall dead, as a dead Death can only remain as bones of Death for a short time.

Rationalizing the creature's self-isolation of a projection--insects and monsters not of the same kind, but of the repressed kind; in a short time, it is converted into simple denial.

Shadows of time has passed so quickly, as such a short time is needed, for time to pass so quickly for the shadows; for the deadest Death dying in Death's hands; for the life of all to be secure.

Do not fear, for life will be healed in such a short time.

Do not weep, for tears only last for such a short time.

Do not condemn, for words are spoken in such a short time.

Do not deny, for the truth will be exposed in such a short time.

Stoned

So much irony in life;

When agony is rife. 

When is agony rife?

For desperation's life,

For the people's knives,

And their baby wives,

And their babies' lives,

And all their forgotten lives. 

Without knowing our flaws, 

They outed us outlaws

And clawed our in-laws.

And all their detrimental laws,

And all their hypocritical laws. 

So no intricate foreign styles,

For driving two foreign miles. 

And was stoned to death so vile. 

Step on death, a cheerful tile. 

Transitions IV: The Longest Song

I've stayed away from Facebook these days. I don't feel like socializing much online, save chatting about projects, helping people out, and my girl. In real life, I'm pretty much crazy. Last week, I was more hyper than usual. It's like I've exhausted all my socializing needs (is there even such a term) in college.

Yeah, part of it is due to projects (I'm still left with two more ISUs + finals starting next Friday), but not entirely. It's weird. Am I facing a depressive episode? I'm not sure, maybe not. Maybe it is in fact the mountain of projects and the upcoming finals which made me like this. I'm confident it'll go away after June 13th.

I hope.

I tend to spend a lot longer on projects than most people, simply because I personally feel that part of an excellent project is to make it unique. I don't have physical creativity--ask me to draw, paint, cut and paste, whatever, I'll make shit out of it. I ain't good at that.

It's 10pm, and I'm in a whole different mood compared to the rest of the day; here I am listening to emotional songs when absolutely NOTHING sad happened during the past few months.

And here I am writing about my bipolar disorder when I should've been working on my college projects.

Life interests me. The last post (A Journey Through Humanity) was written as a "base" for my mathematics project. Life is simple; but why can't I just accept that?

I'm really hypocritical at times--no, all the time.

I still haven't fully understand how my mind works; it tends to perceive anything that happened in the past as dreams. Dreams? Yeah, and it only happens when I'm in a depressive state. It's like, every single event that occurred more than three months ago are nothing but fantasy; all my friends were imaginary...? It's weird, truly weird.

I feel estranged from this world; and myself. I don't feel like me, rather, this is my other side--Shadow Vegas.

I have trouble breathing; this is horrifyingly interesting. It's like, I'm writing this blogpost while in a dream state; I'm never truly alive during these moments.

This is not the first time.

But this is not a natural depressive episode. I'm listening to Last Farewell by Big Bang.

This is why I've refrained from listening to Last Farewell and Haru Haru. No, it's not due to the fact that both are astonishingly well-written songs.

Because I've been (unknowingly) listening to them almost every time I (again, unknowingly) lapsed into depressive episodes in the past.

I couldn't breathe properly; I need to force myself to inhale; exhalation comes naturally. My fingers type automatically, without much control from my conscious mind.

I need to stop listening to this song, as I'm feeling even worse than before.

But I couldn't; part of my mind wants me to keep listening to it.

I feel thirsty, I feel sweaty, yet I'm not bothered to stand up and do something about it.

The song's ending.

Good.

Almost there.

Done.

Now I need some time to recover from this episode.

A Journey Through Humanity

Sometimes, it’s the smallest things that defines our world.
Cash and dignity is temporary, fortune is limited.
I ponder; what is pride?
Why do people boast about their riches and brag about their “superior” rights?
Humans shouldn’t be classified this way.
Life is simple.
Live to die.
Ash to ashes, dust to dust.
Simplicity is integral, eventual, yet… detrimental?
There is neither simple complication nor complex ease.
I find humanity intriguing, they often dream big.
Conquer the world, venture into the unknown.
It screams complicacy!
How could they accomplish that,
If they haven’t explored the remarkable beauty of simplicity?
Humans are… interesting.
I shall not regard myself as human,
For I have yet to understand the simplest,
Most splendid of the unknown—
Life.


In this road of simplicity
This simple, yet twisted path
To a deeper, more convoluted unknown
An everlasting journey…
Time will tell if we will make it
Take pleasure in our lives
No matter how uninteresting
No matter how unworthy
No matter how disturbing
Because we are a broken people
Forever a broken people
Who can’t afford to luxuriate in the littlest
The ugliest, the spoilt
Yet the most essential…
Understand that humanity will prevail
And resonate in serenity…
Fear of humans, fear of curiosity,
Shall end this journey through humanity.