I'm a renegade.

TODAY. Yes today, is the second last day of my form four life. Really, things happened I guess, too many at once.

I'm lost.

Wait, what happened? What did I just do this year? What did I gain this year? What did I lost this year? There are literally myriads of questions lacerating my mind, anxiously waiting for myself to answer them.

And I couldn't, well for now.

I've experienced life in a whole new environment, went through heaps of adventures, various ups and downs, challenges, and a shifted mindset. All in eleven months.

I need a rest.

As my life is spent being the only child of a very protective family, I took much longer to grow up mentally, and my mindset was always of a child; throwing tantrums at random situations, not understanding various situations, and was a shy, cowardly boy. I didn't understand what are friends, and didn't appreciate them. I was just a video game nerd, and maybe a study nerd. I didn't understand life.

Even when they were right in front of me, my friends, I did not see or hear them as true friends, I did not understand them, I thought being alone was enough to sustain life.

2011.

It took me five months to realize that at least one true friend is required to be there for me, and eleven months for me to realize that all of them were, and still are always there for me. Which simply means that I just began to understand who and what friends are for, and learned to appreciate them.

EPC, the group that I'm part of, the group which consists of people from different background, with varying personalities, attitudes, and interests. They changed my life drastically, maturing my sophomoric mentality, and made me realize who I truly am.

But I executed a fatal mistake. I thought EPC was my life, and that I did not need anyone else.

I played the role of a renegade, a rebel, in my other group of friends, the group which was with me for two years and accepted me for who I am.

And I regretted.

"If ever I get there, it won't be fast enough. I'm a renegade, I always was." Renegade - Paramore

Chained II

There was once a chain null of pain,
and a chain full of pain,
both were not right,
both were not wrong,
both were chained to light,
both were chained for long.

There was once a rope of innocence,
full of diligence;
importance,
to one of the chains.
Thus it required help from the other chain,
to reduce the pain,
and gain
the other chain.

But both chains were blur,
which caused them to slur,
but one slurred more than the other,
when it is mentioned her,
and the chains were weak,
until they reached the peak.
Such tiny little tweaks.

At last, one was helpful,
in all the wrong ways;
and one was helpful,
in all the wrong ways.
The bonds were seperated,
as the helps resonated,
somehow fated.

Both needed support,
or they will resort
to distort.

And when such miserable happening occured,
both chains lost their land,
and failed to understand.
One was rubbed in mud,
like a withered rose bud.
One was rubbed in blood,
like a drastic flash flood.

The rope clung tighter onto a chain,
loosening the grip on the other chain.
But this time it chose the tighter chain,
and was unsure of the other chain.

And the rope was chained, forever.

Chained I

There was once a chain null of pain,
and a chain full of pain,
one prefer to face the rain,
embrace lightnings,
engage fighting
without running;
one prefer to avoid the blame,
avoid defame,
changing the same.

Both are without wrongs,
just like songs,
free to express,
depress.
They face duress
by people of wrongs,
without being wrong.
But the chains eventually bond
a relationship of fond.
And life continues for long.

But the chains are tightened,
then the chains are frightened,
and the chains are lightened,
without time to adapt.

The chains are on fire,
the chains are sure dire
for sly errs,
when the heat grew stronger,
wronger,
and lasted longer,
when a rope was connected,
and its soul collected.

Both are without sins,
just the urge to win,
both flames equally wild,
takes long to turn mild.

But both chose silence.

And when a flame smothers the other,
it shall enrage either,
the rope will choose neither,
but it clung onto both chains,
which are too fragile,
and it is not agile
to avoid the blaze,
and suffocated in the haze,
when it is without wrong.

The rope clung tighter onto a chain,
loosening the grip on the other chain,
but prefer the other chain,
over the chain it clung tighter.
But its life was in the grip
of the tighter chain,
just one trip,
and it will burn.

And the rope burned.