Lost

Memories faded in the middle of the twilight,
separating us from being entity in the night.
Why bother surrendering your lost winded light,
when you’ll soon see me a hurt in your sight?

My corrupted spirit bled day per day,
why couldn't you understand me in any thoughtful way?
You melted me since I saw you on May,
yet you split your freedom, without say.

My words truly mean what they always ever mean,
but they are not and will never forever green.
I'm sure my flaws you know you have seen,
yet you’ve shifted from what you’ve always ever been.

For some periods I have lost tears the most,
and I kept very silent knowing well your host.
Why do you shine me, the one you would boast,
when all I was, was just a vanquishing ghost?

Sometimes I thought it was all just an illusion,
hey, maybe I just overdid a diversion,
but why do I tend to always feel inversion,
when I indeed felt a similar reversion?

The mystery was solved and my will was bound,
but whatever goes round will come back around.
Deep inside I just wish to listen to the sound,
that I may finally land my feet on the ground.

Indecipherable II

The black-hearted star scintillated dark beauty,
as the wings of damnation spread very unruly.
The blood of an angel hath smothered yours truly,
whom surreal emotions hath embroiled him in fury.

I derived the crimson from the everlasting hell,
as I claimed to originate from malignant shell.
She asked me to await the delirium so well,
deleteriously demanded the symphony of a yell.

An egregious individual, all the best to you,
your scrumptious young feast, too good to be true.
Face suffocation, utter memoirs, just get through,
die a terrible, horrendously superstitious death too.

My soul hast arose to lacerate cyan sky,
but the sin shall devoid myself in a try.
Why hast the sparkles, induce me a cry,
when my heart, with malice, presented a lullaby.

When I fixate my vision onto the blue haze,
all I were to instigate was me to be dazed.
To be deserted in purgatory, lost in the maze,
it were to be fantasy, adhered onto my gaze.

28/2/2012

And suddenly I felt the urge to resume blogging daily -.-

Was extremely frustrated by the myriads of homework. Seriously, exams are starting in four days. Four days. And it's a Saturday. Damn.

Differentiation sucks big time. To hell with those maxima and minima bullshit, and graphs, and logarithms. And integration. And statistics.

Damn, I may seem weak, but that's because I'm just enduring every single thrown insults relentlessly and (a little) resentfully. Or maybe it's just because I appreciate my friends too much that I just don't wanna cause any unnecessary arguments or misunderstandings. Or maybe I was born this way. Whatever the hell you say.

Trust me, if anyone of you managed to break my exceptionally towering limit, I could reciprocate every single insult you fired at me at twenty times the ferocity and make sure you'll never smile for the rest of the day, or week, because I can.

And I'm not the kind of person who forgets about anything easily. Mood swing kills you know.

What

History, y u so shitty?

I'm studying to succeed in SPM, and not in the first term examinations, so those puny pebel marks won't do a thing to budge me. I've grown annoyed of you, Mr. X. Now only I realized why do students loathe you.

Datin made a surprise appearance in our class today. Oh well, she's as bitchy as usual, glad that we changed our moral teacher.

Speaking of moral, kerja amal, what the hell. Can I just, like, write about me persuading some gangsters to leave the area for the "mengawal keadaan" point? That sounds good.

Celebrated Yu Ning's birthday in Domino's Pizza. Me, Ivan and Au Yong thought of a splendid idea- buying one chocolate bar each as a birthday present. How awesome. She was shockingly happy I guess, and thus our mission was (well...) accomplished.

Damn, I only ate three pieces of pizza. I could starve myself to death -.-

Chatted with Yu Ning and Au Yong along the way to tuition while staring at some lovebirds in front of us. Did we interrupt their privacy? I guess so. xD

Exams suck, I just want the holidays to arrive as soon as time allows.

Judged

There was once a bandit who lived solitarily,
the world that he possessed was the worst mentality,
the symptoms that he contained, missing originality,
but he lived his soul to an angel momentarily.

If he were to inherit the universe for eternity,
he world face demise with a feel of solemnity.
His pride would glide to abide with diversity,
and swore to bore and adore her virginity.

There was once an outcast who lived very lonely,
but she had a period of ostentatious antiquity,
yet she did not shift her demeanor so swiftly,
and the community became her very own antibody.

She had the great Aphrodite's unique sexuality,
her hair waterfalled down her back of femininity,
but her pupils were smeared with the deceiving ability,
and her peers were unrelenting in freeing her sanity.

And why do we people get deserted physically,
when we all deserve our dignity with equality?
We're teased, we're greased, but we walked merrily,
because our time and our dime, is our own responsibility.

Lotus Underworld

Click here.

I created a new blog just for the purpose of posting new stories, I guess. Poems will still be posted in this blog.

And yes I know the blog is plain, but whatever, I'm not going to change it.

I'm working on a story now, and it's more of an autobiography than a fictional story. Go check it out!

Blegh

Since when did my blog became more of an online library to store all my self-written poems and stories? I don't know.

Nope, this won't be an emo post, unlike my other posts. I'm just bored. LOL.

Exams. Damn them to hell. Homework. Damn them all to somewhere worse than hell. Well, I procrastinate a lot, so I couldn't blame the teachers though. But still.

And what am I doing now? Writing stories. Blast those exams, stories are way more fun to write. So yeah. Should I be a writer in the future? I don't know. Well, it's only February now.

Epic stuffs happened during the past few days. Our whole class got punished just by singing a damn birthday song. It was fun.

Me and my group did an oral presentation about a forum about oral presentation, which certainly took the teacher by surprise. Don't blame me though, I didn't know what's the difference between a forum and a debate. 

It's raining now, how romantic.

Hey, you, blog reader of mine, I am bored. I am really, REALLY bored. So yeah, hi.

Blegh.

Phase I

[First attempt at a new genre, and a new writing style. It's gonna be short, less than 2000 words or so, and split into two parts. Not sure if this is gonna go well though.]

Phase I

Lionel I

What is this place? Such filthy wet areas I felt, I loathe. These, stuffs, slimy stuffs, what are these? Great, I just realized I’m in such a congested environment. So, what should I do now? Can I get out of here? I really don’t know. I just hate this place, and I don’t know why, because without this place there would be no me. I cannot escape without taking my own life. I feel so restricted, but I really just hate this place.

Right in front of me is… Well, the colour black. I hate black, as I really hate black so much I wish it would just vanquish. Why is my whole world black? I really don’t like it, but I cannot do anything now, as I cannot do anything. Nothing, as I am currently a useless being. I hate being useless.

Emilia I

Great, now what should I do? I am in deep shit if anyone knows about it. But what saddened me the most was the one who formerly loved me and no longer currently. I hate him, he’s a bastard. He promised me life but threw me to the ground, stomped me thrice and made my present a horror fest. I really have no idea on what should I do, as my mind is a blank entity, can no longer accept reality. I feel useless, and I hate being useless, because uselessness only proves ineffectiveness in executing tasks. Nevertheless, I have to go on.

I have to struggle my way out.

Well, it isn’t a coincidence that I became heavier hmm?

Lionel II

I feel more stuffed than I ever did. I might burst any second, but I know by doing so, it is not beneficial. I might die. But who cares, my world seems slightly more colourful now, at least compared to before. It is, well, reddish, which is much better than blackish, which I hate. But now I hate red, because red is ugly, uglier than black. Well, I don’t care anyway.

At least I feel a little more, liberated? I am unsure.

Emilia II

I am in a serious state of dilemma right now, and no, I am never a joker no matter how. I need to decide fast, as time waits for no man, or woman, whatever. Shall I proceed with it? Or should I bear responsibility? I am never a responsible person, and if you don’t like it, then back off!

Lionel III

What is this? I could feel the wall in front of me without using my head, but I do not know how I did it. I concentrated, and oh wow, I touched the wall again. It feels… slimy? I really hate slimy stuffs, as I just hate them. And suddenly, I feel my body being rubbed, but I don’t know what it is, other than that the rubbing feeling had I feel somewhere else simultaneously. Weird, my brain could not accept such complicated explanations yet, but this is too intriguing to be ignored.

And after untold time, I came to a conclusion. I rubbed myself using some unknown object.

I think it is called a “hand”…

Emilia III

Enough is enough. I ran out of options. But my parents are against it, they claimed it to be a sinful act, and I will be an extremely sinful person for life. I do not want to be sinful.

I’m just thirteen, what do you expect me to do huh?

Lionel IV

Oh what is this new thingy? It gives the same feeling as my “hand”, but how can we have two “hands”? It is so enigmatic; how we can possess two of the same objects? I never think twice before pushing my “hand” forward, trying to break the wall apart. But the wall isn’t an ordinary wall, or whatever a wall is, it is a little too bouncy. How can a wall be so bouncy? But I enjoy it, so I repeated the action until I satisfy myself.

Emilia IV

Ouch, I feel such excruciating pain in my abdominal area. I know it. It is too late. If I proceed with it, then I shall be a much more sinful person. And I don’t want to be chained down by sins.

I hate him. I really, really hate him. No, not my former lover, he’s history. I hate the one who might result in me taking the role of someone whom I do not want to be.

Mother told me that specific abdominal massages will help me, so I asked father to do so. I feel a little relieved, and much better. But I pity the person that I hate the most, as he must be in crucial pain now.

04/02/2012

I don't know if I should be writing this piece of shit.

I loathe myself sometimes, no, many times, not just some. As useless as one could be, I really ponder my own existence at times like this, if I actually am important to anyone, or any animal for that matter.

I could only blame myself though, it's not like I tried to take much initiative, or that I'm a socially active person. I'm more like a person who wants to be needed but didn't know how to make people need me. Ah what am I saying.

I have two fatal flaws, which were so horrifying I wished they never existed. Lack of confidence, and excessive mood swings. My social life would've been heaps better without them.

I don't know why, but I am a really, really shy person. I fear too much on people's views on my everything; my clothes, my hair, my looks, my attitude, my style of walking, my eyes, my body structure, and even my mentality. There is a reason I tend to avoid taking initiative to know people, and I've just mentioned it. I'm more like an introvert than an antisocial person though, although both are like, almost the same. And I don't expect anyone to come and mix or socialize with someone like me, but most people are too kind, and they became my friends. Some are closer than others.

And then the second flaw comes in, I have a rather severe case of occasional mood swings. And they aren't predictable, and strikes me at the worst possible moment. Well, they're not really actual mood swings, they're more like situations where my tolerance level decreased to a really critical stage, a stage where things such as Google loading 1 second longer than usual, or people taking more than 10 seconds to reply me in chats could make me wanna explode. And it wasn't too serious until sometime last year. And mood swings cause me to act rash towards anyone, best friends or anyone whom I dislike. Sometimes I could control myself, but most of the times I just behave incoherently.

And at times I hurt people, friends, family members and other people who I cared. And trust me, I treat friends more importantly than anyone else. And really, the very fact of me accidentally hurting or angering them is more than enough to make me frown for a day, or two days, depending on how much hurt I caused.

Also, I tend to amplify minor issues into major ones, and eventually it'll induce another semi-depression kind of situation onto me. Yes, I emo more times than you think, and I may seem happy and stuffs on Facebook but I might actually be hiding my feelings. And it's not that I don't want to be honest, it's just that some people tend to be annoyed towards people who emos almost every time, and no I don't want that to happen.

Being someone without siblings to fill in my loneliness at home, I relied on friends to portray roles as my own siblings, ridding my of this desolation in my heart. This made me lonely, really.

Gah.

Mirror on the wall, here we are again,
Through my rise and fall,
You've been my only friend.
You told me that they can understand the man I am,
So why are we here talkin' to each other again? - Mirror, Lil Wayne ft. Bruno Mars