What We Don't Know

I worry too much, and it's getting on my nerves.

I also think too much, and it's irritating me.

Hmm, whatever.

I also realized that I suffer from OCD (Obsessive-compulsive disorder), some kind of disorder which causes me to do useless stuffs repetitively. I open and close room doors numerous times, same for the fridge doors, bottle caps as well, even faucets. Might need to see a doctor soon if it gets too serious. -.-

Got the 10th position in class, and yes I know my results got worse. I mean, I lost thirty marks in add maths due to carelessness. Gah =.=

"This is how we fall apart, but this is how beginnings start. Cause when our heads betray our hearts, we fake what we don't know."

We Are Young

It is only nature that we shall evolve from day to day, well that's what I feel. After a chain of events, I realized that I kinda adapted myself to a more gregarious life. It's weird at first, and honestly I'm not that used to it, but I kept telling myself "don't give a damn about what people think of you".

It's the only way that I can expand my friendship tree.

Sometimes I wonder, what the hell did I do during high school? More specifically, what did I do during the first three years? Other than excessive gaming and more gaming, I didn't do much, or anything at all. In class, I just sat idly on my seat, chatting with people around me and occasionally did homework.

This year is gonna be different. I'll no longer be gluing onto my own seat. It's my last year, so why not make it the best?

I might not have even half the amount of friends that most people have, but whatever, it's better to change late than never to change at all.

I'm not gonna miss my old self.

"Tonight, we are young, so let's set the world on fire, we can burn brighter than the sun."

26/03/2012

Sometimes I thought of this, if the best of 2A4/3A4 and 4S3/5S3 were to be brought together, I'll be studying in my dream class.

Or let's make it this way, if I were to be given a chance to study in A4 again, I will make it my dream class.

With all honesty, if one were to ask me which class do I prefer, I would take ages to answer.

Let's see, A4 provided me with a group of friends to socialize with, and a class full of friendly people which I could socialize with but I didn't know how, until I entered S3.

So yeah, I'm confused.

But I'm actually really happy to be in S3. No joke.

Anyways, life's pretty polarizing these days. One day everything might seem well and the next day all hell might break loose. Mood swings? I don't know, doesn't seem like it.

Dad's been bitching lately, asking me to study some shit. Shit. I did as you told and my results are worse than those who studied the day before, so don't pressurize me.

Now that I think of it, I really, really miss A4.

20/03/2012

Blegh. Expected lah. Got 38/80 for Add Maths, which really, is much worse than I thought. At most, I could only achieve a "C", which is a new thing for me. Six careless mistakes actually resulted in me losing more than 25 marks. Damn -.-

Physics and Chemistry results were actually pretty satisfying, although I could definitely do better. I loathe acids and bases, freaking stupid chapter. Will surely focus more on those subjects from now on.

Chinese, 48/80, which ain't that bad. Hell, it's actually pretty good. I mean, I can't even write UPSR-standard Chinese essays, what did you expect?

Moral was pretty satisfying as well. Got a 10 (full marks) for the essay section, for the first time. LOL. And I actually sat for the paper with my half-conscious mind faltering at the mere sight of every question.

English, oh the most auspiciously ravishing language of all time, such marvel only rivaled by the scintillating teardrops of the most Junoesque princess. What the hell. -.-

I'm grotesquely exhausted by the sordid little "rules" that you imposed. It's not the first time that I has endured the purgatory that you has confined me into. Such malevolence! It was already saturnine of you to deliberately ignore my self-inputted "very sophisticated words" in place of your own. Do you not endorse universal English? Or did you intend to conquer the English world with your flippant attitude?

I already used five of your "sophisticated words" in the above paragraph.

There are always reasons that paved way to my rather mediocre scores in English examinations. Such disgrace you are to only judge one's book by its damn cover, and not its contents. I compose stories my way, and I understand my own flaws, such as a lack of vocabulary skills and my fetish for fantasy-esque settings; so I don't need someone like you to criticize me in all the wrong places.

For example, you claimed that examiners "couldn't care much" about checking through tenses and commanded us to only use past tenses, regardless of situation. Bastard? More like some pitiless pile of shit stuck on someone's ass cause he couldn't care much of it. Even in situations such as "I ran toward the person, ignoring the fact that I am a boy.", however humorous it might be, you'll probably be insisting that the "am" be changed to "was" to form "the fact that I was a boy". Unless I have a gender change operation or whatsoever, I could not apply the above sentence. Knowing your disdainful methods of grasping the very basic foundation of the English Language, and your previous attempts in correcting my conspicuously perfect use of the present tense to past tense, the above situation will occur when given a chance.

I don't need someone like you to reprimand my creativity. You wanted essays to start with a "bang" and end with a "twist". Yes, I have to agree that it is one of the better ways to create a story. But whenever I sacrificed the "bang" with a more formal introduction of what would be a convoluted story, or when I excused the "twist" with a remarkably splendid conclusion that will make your heart melt, you decided to oppose it, insisting that it will make the examiner bored.

Bored? If you're bored then I would suggest you to retire your post for the people who truly appreciate a nice, satisfying ending.

And based on your requirements for five "sophisticated words" from your book, an "okie-dokie", a metaphor, a simile, a saying, start with a "bang" and end with a "twist", a story like this could garner  full score.

"The gregarious Jason killed his vivacious parents for no reason. He quickly went to his room to lick his wounds. The next day, the amiable Jason went to the supermarket to buy a scintillating piece of sordid shit. The shit was so sordid that it made cows fly. He met a jejune girl with legs as hairy as a monkey. She proposed to him and he said "Okie-dokie!", as the saying goes, "nothing is impossible". They soon got married. They suddenly died from cancer and the world exploded into pieces. The end."

Yep, a suitable start with a "bang" and an unbelievably impeccable "twist" ending there alright. Masterpiece.

Damn.

Phew, ranted enough I guess. -.-

I might release a book entitled "The Gregarious Jason and The Hot Girl Who Suffered From Cancer" soon.

My Heart Is Broken

School's starting. Brilliant. One week passed by without much happening. I've expected it anyways.

Befriended some nice people during the holidays, and also improved my relationships with some people. I'm gonna try and resurrect the old happy-go-lucky me, been sick of worrying too much about unnecessary stuffs. I literally worried about everything, and it ain't good.

Been addicted to Evanescence recently. I somehow prefer female vocals over male vocals for no reason. Amy Lee has an epic voice, love her so much. Go listen to the song on this post's title, it's beautiful.

I just realized how egregiously horrible my Chinese standard is. All the points provided in the workbook, instead of helping me, actually challenged my sanity. Flipping through a thousand-page dictionary ain't fun you know.

Been sleeping a lot these days. Something like, 11 hours per day. Fantastic.

My heart has been broken once, and I'm not going to let it break again. Never.

Identity (Last Update: 15 March 2012)

Boredom kills, so I rely on incessant story-writing to keep me alive.

Been experimenting with a variety of genres, and this one will be more action and thriller-oriented.

Identity
- Prologue

Misunderstood

Such intricate, profound silence belled my soul,
for fear it shall be lost in its own purgatory,
forever unseen, forever a mere story.
No mortal grasped my morality, dignity,
for they belittled who I am, who I was.
They shan't devour the kingdom which I conquered,
they shall only inflict excruciatingly,
they were murdered.

Place faith when I claim I'm worthy,
or even a little sorry,
all blatant deceits,
acts of counterfeit.
This world bladed its path, treacherously,
people surrendered mercifully,
but I shan't surrender hastily.
I forged my life without appreciating life,
and now I shall die without consuming life.

Picturesque world, reflected my daze,
you're like the glorious golden wings,
scintillating the inner wrongdoings.
I'm just a solitary boy,
community shan't forgive this little toy?
Companions whom lent me their hearts,
were necrotic darts
when I undermined my heart.

None shall my bloodshot eyes fixate onto,
as they criminalized yours truly,
been demoralized so unruly.

Only in Him whom I believe,
whom endorsed me to relieve;
broke the chains which ensnared me,
cured the wounds which crippled me.
Only in Him whom I gain the will to live,
as I glorified and loved him more than society.
Only in Him whom I could smile,
as everything would go a thousand miles.
Only in Him whom I could thank sincerely,
in the name of the Lord,
Amen.