Transitions.

I'll start off with a warning though. This post will most likely make absolutely zero sense, but trust me, it's real.

Most of the time, I try to live a normal life.

Not always. (Okay this is just stupid.)

I don't experience this often, but there are times when I felt that I've drifted into a dreamlike state, in real life.

Schizophrenia? PTSD? Nah, my mind is just some very haphazard, irregular, morphed fantasy.

There may not be many people out there who remember their dreams, or even give a shit about them, but I do. In fact, this weird imagination of mine plays a significant role in my life.

Yes, I'm a dream person. I love dreams, I also like to "fix" my nightmares into happy dreams, which explains why I seldom have nightmares. I love lucid dreaming (happens very rarely though), and sleep paralysis used to frighten me, but now the very event actually piqued my interest. There was a time when I actually attempt to transition into a lucid dream from a sleep paralysis.

Dreams allow me to explore my own world; the universe that I've created by myself, and all the weird people inside it. But it's not always a good thing though...

I unconsciously shifted into dream mode too many times to the point where I myself am in for a shock; what happened during that state? Well, for some of them, I can recall with utmost clarity as if it happened seconds ago; some of them however, are basically just a huge dark cloud, waiting for the day it will (never) be uncovered.

Most of these "transitions" usually happens after a wrong sequence of events (whether positive or negative) commenced at the wrong time, in the wrong place. As I said, it may be a combination of both happy and sorrowful events.

A perfect example? My whole form four life is a dream.

Somehow, this "transition" from my more childish, innocent self to a more mature, thoughtful self caused me to blur the lines between reality and imagination.

That sounds like something out of a low-budget fantasy novel.

Frankly speaking, I don't remember my 2011 chapter well. It seems so... out of place. It's like, oh so I've entered a new class and retained my shy old self, and suddenly time kinda skipped back and forth between her and... her alone? Damn. Did I fell for a girl that much?

Well, her presence changed me, and things happened too fast; I unknowingly threw reality aside and somehow, I don't feel like myself; or that's just because the current me is just a different person.

Sometimes, I even wonder if my entire form four life was just a dream, or reality, or both mixed together to form a mishmash of bullshit.

During my 2011 Japan trip, there was one night when I was in Disneyland with my family. After the fireworks show, when people were casually walking out of the park, I felt as if I was no longer living in the real world.

The atmosphere was noisy, but it seemed as if I had all sound filtered out. I kept looking down, watching my own legs walk by itself, similar to that of an out-of-body experience. I became depressed for absolutely no reason, as if Disneyland is a huge showcase of my worst nightmares.

Somewhere outside the park, I "floated" (actually walked, but I don't feel it) past the shadows of some lampposts? (Not sure, my head was still down) I immediately pondered on whether or not I was dreaming. It certainly felt like a dream. My vision was blurry, I didn't sense anything other than my own misery, and for a split second there, I actually believed that I will wake up from all that soon enough.

I've thought of suicide like it's the most ordinary thing to do, and even considered just walking to some far, far place and hide myself there for no reason.

During one moment (I think it was inside an elevator), my eyes flooded; maybe it's because my sanity could not cope up with this extremely horrifying state of mine? I don't know, I pretended to rub my eyes to get rid of those tears.

I totally forgot what happened all the way until I've entered the train, then I made a conclusion.

"I'm dreaming."

But part of me stressed that I'm in reality all along, so I didn't know what to do. I'm like, stuck in between both worlds.

I took out my iPhone and listened to Lady Gaga's The Edge of Glory. While the song was playing, something came to mind.

I don't know if it's just for me, but while dreaming, songs never complete themselves, they'll be distorted at some point, or never play at all, or turn into some nightmare.

The song ended after five minutes, without anything unnatural happening.

My mood lightened up almost instantaneously. Soon I began to start chatting with my parents (as usual), playing games on my iPhone, do normal stuffs.

It's like I've awakened from an actual dream.

This very event, along with another similar event still haunts me till the present. How could something as... abnormal as that possibly happen?

Guess I will never know.