Chapter 7: Love

Chapter 7: Love

- After the white box has been destroyed by the Underwater People and Philosopher Corals –

(Great Motivation, Ghast Mundane. City of Sleep)

… Oh…

… Lord of Stagnation…

… This is… not Grey Walker…

… These are… not Grey Children…

… But I…

… put them in the box… didn’t I…?

… No, I didn’t. I just wanted to protect them…

… No.

…

…

…

… I can’t…

… I can’t pretend to ignore it anymore… can’t I…?

… It’s all Anti’s fault.

… Sigh.

It has always been. It is him, that insidious part of the Angel, who instigated the events that led to my actions.

If he didn’t work together with the enemy, there would be no need for me to worry about them.

Fuck him.

It was his desperation and his stupid dreams for some stupid shit that caused this to happen.

There can be no acceptable reason for him to work with the enemy. They are here to murder us. They are here to rob us of our happiness.

Their purpose is but to bring absolute misery to this world… and all that I cherish.

But that fucking Dream knew about this, didn’t he? He was part of Anti’s plan, too… so fuck him too.

They were trying to exploit the fragile state of my poor little Walk for their own nefarious purposes. Shit. Fuck.

What the hell did they do to Walk to make her dream of empowering our fucking enemy?

Shit. Bitch. Assholes. Ah fucking hell!

All so that they could achieve that shitty ass dream they call Nirvana? I absolutely spit on Nirvana! The fuck is wrong with them? Eternal happiness? How is this…

How the hell is this supposed to be eternal happiness?!

… What is so wrong… about…

… about eternal peace?

… They call it stagnation… but I call it an eternity…

… an eternity of happiness.

Things would’ve gone alright, really. After they retrieved the book, they could’ve all just come down to Samsara, where I would be waiting while guarding the throne, and once that happens…

… we would already have won. There’s no need for anymore… unnecessary actions.

As long as the book’s safe with us, the enemy could never retrieve the Lord’s Spine. And we could sweep the Spine of the World… whenever we want…

… but there’s no need to do it… right?

The book’s a backup. A contingency plan. In case something happens to the world that irreversibly moves it forward, then there may be a time when we might need to sweep the Spine.

But… we never knew what’s going to happen, right? The entire idea behind sweeping the Spine to achieve our dreams was but a mere hypothesis by those two fuckers.

They took a risk. They took too big of a risk. And now look what happened. You braindead fucks.

Walk’s dead, and Anti’s probably crying and punching himself in some shitty corner, and Dream was so fucking depressed he almost gave up.

And the balance of the world is ruined.

Our True Selves. Lord of Our Selves. To hell with them!

We could’ve… we could’ve just…

 

 

 

We could’ve just lived happily together…

Dream, Anti, why couldn’t you two just be content with protecting our existing happiness, rather than chasing after some stupid faraway smile…?

 

 

 

Sigh. I’m all alone in the end…

… But I’m okay, aren’t I?

I mean… I’m the strongest being, so… I guess this is just the drawback of my unbeatable strength.

… I don’t need anyone.

… Yeah, I’m good. I’m fucking good. Yes. Dammit. Shit.

Walk will come back, won’t she?

Come on, Mother, you know that death isn’t permanent in this world.

Walk and the Children… they just became Soup, that’s all!

They just returned to being part of this world, because….

… because they were scared…!

They were afraid… and they are still afraid! This world is filled with these wretched bitches who dare call themselves avatars of Gods!

Hey… Hey Walk… Hey Children…

… You watching me?

… Mother is protecting you…

… Do you see? I have taken on these multi-bladed, multi-armoured forms…

… all so that we can finally be free, and live happily and peacefully together…

… for all eternity…

So… please…

There are…

There are no more enemies nearby.

You are safe now.

I have killed them all.

I have protected you.

… So why…

… even though the City’s so empty and safe now…

 

 

 

… why won’t you all come back to me?!

 

 

 

Ah, haha. Mother, silly you.

… you’re still in your multi-bladed, multi-armoured forms.

Of course they wouldn’t recognize you, silly!

Hah. Haha. Hahaha.

I… I need to remerge…

But… to remerge is to go back to a state that I would like to forget for the rest of my li-

No. Mother, silly you. You need to remerge in order for your dear Walk and your beloved Children to recognize you.

But I… what if they… what if they don’t come ba-

No. Mother, silly you. Are you really that weak or something? Are you so afraid to remerge just because you want to run away from all your problems?

I mean… it’s… it’s a good state now, isn’t it? The world is at peace now… These multi-bladed, multi-armoured forms aren’t all that ba-

Mother. You’re weak. Are you weak? No, that was a rhetorical question. You are weak. You know what? You’re even weaker than Dream! Yeah, he’s not as strong as you, but at least he had the motivation to get through his self-doubts and insecurities and devised a situation to awaken you from this stupid state of denial of yours. You know, Mother, if you continue to run away, you know what Dream will say? He will say that you’re absolutely mistaken. And he will be right!

Hey… I’m strong… I’m strong. And I could just continue protecting this world fr-

For what?! Does this world mean anything to you?! No! The world is but a canvas, Mother; a canvas for you to paint the memories of the times you’ve spent together with those you cherish! You do not cherish the world; you cherish the people you love in this world!

… Sigh.

… What if they don’t come ba-

You do it or you don’t, Mother. Make your fucking choice. Otherwise, shut the fuck up.

… I have no choice, don’t I?

 

 

 

Mother, why have you forsaken us?!

 

 

 

---

Event 21. Fourteen weeks before the story started.

- After Spirit of Mother massacred most of the Underwater People and Philosopher Corals in the Beautiful Field –

(Spirit of Mother. Beautiful Field)

Father looks at me with concerned eyes. His right hand stretches out, fingers reaching for my left cheek.

“Mother… it won’t happen… it will never happen. I swear, I swear upon my very life that I will never, never let anything bad happen to us.”

I look at him with uncertain eyes. I don’t really know how to answer.

“Yeah, I mean, thanks, Father, but… I’m both the Light and the strength of the Angel, so I-”

“Mother, I will never let even a single one of their dumb flippers or their slimy tentacles to even go near you! Mother, I will protect you with all my life and all my heart!”

I let out a light chuckle. Dammit, he’s so freaking naïve.

“I mean, don’t take it personally, but all you have are those feathery wi- whoa, wait, dammit, Father, let me down already! Shit! I’m not a damn baby!”

In one swift motion, Father lifts me up, and my lower back and lower thighs are now on his arms. This is embarrassing, dammit. I need to let g- Wait, what are those noises?

“There are more of them in this place?”

Father looks at me from above, with a smile outlined on his face.

“I may never even come close to your strength, Mother, but I can keep them away from us with my large, beautiful wings of freedom! Mother, with my wings, we can be free! We can be free from this place, and we can go somewhere else, and live a great life together! Mother, we can finally be happy!”

I don’t know whether to laugh or to roll my eyes. Such… naivety…

“Mother, we will never have to worry ever again! Mother!”

I no longer see the grass below me. He’s flying us up. Shit, this black gas from the Abyss is so damn thick, and it wasn’t even that huge of a breach on the wall.

“Mother… do you know… why the Angel killed himself?”

I look at him, bewildered.

“That is a very sudden change of topic, and… mood.”

Father doesn’t seem to take note of my response.

“It was because he felt lost, Mother! Lost! And he was alone, Mother. Alone! He felt as if time moved too fast, and as if time is in stagnation, and as if he felt both trapped and liberated by being in this Field! Mother, the Angel didn’t know what to do!”

Actually, it didn’t really hit me, until now.

“So… the Angel actually… died?”

Father looks at me, with one eyebrow raised slightly higher than the other. There’s an awkward smirk on his face, but I think he just doesn’t know how to appropriately react to my rather delayed response to this situation.

“Mother… haha, um, sorry, I just… it’s cute how you only question about this like… now. But what else could have happened, my dear Mother? The Angel died, yet in death he was rebirthed into you and I, and together we each have one half of the Angel’s mind, body, and spirit. Truly, it is without a doubt that death is meaningless in this world, for it is an unfortunate yet beautiful cycle of life!”

… Beautiful, huh? Well… I guess. I mean, isn’t it a good thing? If this world truly does not allow the permanence of death to take place, then…

… won’t this be the most perfect thing in the world? A world where we can live forever…

But, come to think of it…

“Father, to say death is meaningless is… kind of overstating the fact that the Angel isn’t exactly an immortal. I mean, look at us; yeah, we were both birthed from the Angel, but… we’re different, aren’t we? You, me, and him. We are all… different, aren’t w-”

“You damn right, you pussy-ass motherfuckers! You think that your wings make you all-so-mighty, huh?! Little dipshits, how dare you treat us like that, when we only treated you with the most heartfelt hospitality?! You are but the scorn of this world, the pile of shit in the world’s smelliest garbage dump, the motherfucker of t-”

“People, you will be quiet, for our dear friends have simply been enlightened of their true selves and have thus freed themselves of the mental restraints of the being named Angel. Their violence could certainly be a lot less… upfront, but regardless, they are on the correct path on their journey of enlightenment!”

“Oh dammit, shut up, Corals, enlightenment this, enlightenment that, gosh you’re fucking annoying. Whatever, they’re escaping now, what could we do?!”

“Corals, you will calm down and realize that we still have the book.”

Oh shit.

“Mother, it’s fine, let them have the book; we’ll come for it once it’s more… convenient. And what’s the loss, anyway? The book only brought irreparable harm to the Angel, and its words are better off left alone, my dear.”

My eyes widen and my lips part each other.

“Father… the book was the only thing we had with us when we arrived in this world… there is… I mean, even if the Angel couldn’t accept its words, it doesn’t mean we should leave it behind…”

Just outside the circumference of my Light, I could finally see another source of light slowly merging in.

“Mother, my dear Mother, we’re not leaving it behind… we’ll come back for it, and I swear upon my life that the book will be in our hands once again.”

And I can see the visage of the immovable sun.

“Father, you don’t understand me… With your feathery wings, my Light, and my strength, we could scour the entire Field for the book, like, right now! There’s no need to run away, there’s no need t-”

And Father looks down at me, with a thousand beams of light radiating from the whites of his hair and the serene glow of his face, forever etched in seams of tranquillity.

“Mother, it’s not that I do not believe in your impassable strength or your inextinguishable Light, but what if… what if…”

“… what if one of us were to… be gone?”

And I look at him; his face exactly blocks out the sharpest glares of the sun. As his feathery white wings slowly lift us up in this ascension towards the sun, I can’t help but be hit with a realization…

… if one of us were to be gone, then wouldn’t there be two to take our place?

… but those two… those two will not be us, are they?

… Is this outcome… worse than an irreversible death… or is it better…?

And the white-haired sun with those tired eyes speaks to me in the kindest voice I’ve ever known.

“Mother, death may be meaningless in this world, but I think…”

 

 

 

“… I think we both just want a happy ending with each other…”

 

 

 

---

- After Great Motivation and Ghast Mundane massacred most of Our True Selves in the City of Sleep –

(Great Motivation, Ghast Mundane. City of Sleep)

Dammit.

Even if there’s the slightest bit of hope that they will come back…

I have to do it, don’t I?

Otherwise, there will never be a happy ending.

And honestly, the multi-armoured form… she never liked to keep all those toxic Lightless Field within her.

That was why we propelled ourselves away from Samsara… towards the Island.

And I look down. I see him. I see him on the throne. The stupid Lord of Our Selves.

And I look down. I also see him. I see him just standing there looking upwards toward me. The stupid Angel.

… Sigh. Enough, Mother.

I guess… I do owe him one for trying to get me back on track.

But he caused that whole incident to happen!

… Sigh, at least I’m glad Anti isn’t in my sight, at least, otherwise I would really beat the fuck out of him.

“Great Motivation, Ghast Mundane… Mother…”

And the white-haired, disgustingly dressed man steps down from his Warm Chair. He splits the Lord’s Spine from the book. He stretches out his right hand, holding the book. He’s too stupid to realize that the multi-bladed, multi-armoured forms do not exactly have hands to hold the book. He holds the book horizontally, with his four fingers pressing one side and his thumb pressing the other. Both sharp ends of the book’s white spine stretch out to the left and right.

… Wait, I’m the stupid one, aren’t I?

And the short-statured man chuckles. Dammit, it’s not funny.

“Thank you… Mother.”

Thank you… for what? Dammit, I’m not even doing this for you, I’m doing this for Walk and my Children. Shit.

The multi-bladed form stands to the left of the book. The multi-armoured form stands to the right of the book. Shit, you’re stupid, Dream, these forms are seven metres tall, and you are but a quarter of their size.

Wait, no, the book isn’t exactly horizontal. I mean, it looks perfectly horizontal from my seven-metre viewpoint, but one of the spine’s sharp ends does look bigger than the other…

… The book’s tilted. Forty-five degrees.

Fuck. Dammit, you piece of shit. This is a cruel joke! An insult!

“Oh… Lord of Stagnation… I am sorry…”

Sorry?! Dammit, Ghast Mundane, isn’t it? Why the hell are you… saying sorry to him? Shit. Why the hell are y-

“I am sorry… for calling you useless… and for choking you… when you asked about the box…”

No, I’m not. I’m not sorry. Dammit, the bitch dared show his arrogant little smirk at me! And he… and he…

He dared doubt my reasoning for putting them in the bo-

Wait, this position… No, no please, no, get up, Motivation, Mundane! Get up! Anything but…

… anything but those memories…

… the memories of Father laying his head on my… laps…

“Father… why are you crying?”

No, Mundane, no, get away from me, no, please, no, stop coming so close to me!

No, Motivation, why are you looking at me with those pitiful eyes? H-hey, no, d-don’t look at me… don’t…

“Mother… why are you crying?”

No, Mundane, I didn’t… I didn’t say that… I was talking to Father! I was…

“Mother, oh Mother, I simply do not want this perfect moment to end…”

Motivation, you are not supposed to be able to… speak…

Dreamer’s still holding the book at that angle… the sharp ends are pointed exactly at our hearts…

And Mundane is bending forward… closing in onto Motivation, who is lying on the ground…

… slowly embracing each other…

Shit… No, no, no no no no no no no dammit I…

… I tried my best to forget everything…

… Walk’s death was… my fault, wasn’t it…?

… Why?! Why, you little bastard? Why are you helping me remerge? No! No… I don’t…

… I don’t want to…

… You little bitch, you must be finding this very fucking amusing, huh?! Seeing Mother all weak and pussy and shit… Yeah, you must be thinking in that little head of yours, that Mother is so damn useless, and that she only knows how to run away from her problems.

Go on. Show me that smirk of yours. Go on, yeah, I know you’ve been waiting for this, telling me that I was absolutely mistaken…

… Hey…

… You… You’re laughing at me from the inside… aren’t you?

… Why… why is your face so sad? Why is your face so sad?!

Motivation, Mundane, come on, stand up already… He’s laughing at us…

That is definitely true… I can hear it… He’s so happy that he met someone even more useless than he is that his face couldn’t properly react…

… Stop… stop trying to… remember…

… those good times…

… Motivation…

… Mundane…

… please…? I really…

Father, if only you’re here, maybe I… maybe I…

“I love you, Mother.”

… Why… why do you…

… Why do you love this useless piece of shit?!

… Walk…

… I’m sorry…

… Dream…

… I’m sorry too…

 

 

 

“I love you too, Father.”

 

 

 

(Grey Mother. Spine of the World)

Sigh.

“Mother… are you okay?”

“… Don’t… don’t touch me… please.”

I shove his hand away.

… Hey, little bastard, you should’ve been mad at me.

“Stop smiling at me, Dream! Dammit! Ugh… shit…”

I forcefully rub my face with my right palm. Ugh, dammit, why am I feeling bad?

“… Sorry.”

Fucking hell, that hurts to say. Shit. Hey, little bitch, why are you still so happy?

“Welcome back, Mother.”

“No, no, no, Dream, you are absolutely mistaken, you shouldn’t be saying th-

Fucking hell, shit… I’m no different than him, aren’t I?

I stand up. I’m no longer four times taller than him. I mean, he’s still half a head shorter than me, but…

… Dammit, I hate this.

“I… actually enjoyed that ride, you know… being propelled on a rocket out of Samsara… it was so freaking fun.”

 I look at him with disbelief. That’s a… sudden change of topic.

“Hahaha, I mean, ah dammit, sorry, I’m not very good at things like this, um… but it was just really, really cool, and I actually enjoyed my time on that really bizarre ride, and um…”

I tilt my head slightly to the side.

“Yeah, okay, ugh, fine, let’s… let’s forget everything that I said, and… okay, um, I guess we are both kind of fucked in the heads.”

I smirk while looking downwards. I can’t help but agree… shit.

“Thank you, Mother.”

No, no, you shouldn’t be…

“You said that same thing before I remerged. Why? What is there to thank me about? I did… I did not…”

I look slightly upwards to the sky, trying to avoid looking at him in the eyes.

“I did not, I mean, I… I… Sigh. I… did not treat you that well, and I… I shouldn’t have done that, okay? I… dammit, I shouldn’t have called you useless, and I shouldn’t have… I mean, the box was… ah, um, so…I shouldn’t ha- hey, get away from me, you little freak!”

 

 

 

“Thank you, Mother… for protecting us all… and for… loving us all…”

 

 

 

No, why… why?

… Get away from me…

… Stop… burying your head in my chest…

I… ugh, dammit…

The Warm Chair in the distance is empty. Lord of Stagnation… I liked it more when you were just an immovable and emotionless skeleton…

S-so you wouldn’t laugh at me if I… if I…

S-so you wouldn’t tease me and call me a weak little bitch if I… if I…

 

 

 

“Mother, it’s okay to cry, you know…”

 

 

 

---

Event 22. Fourteen weeks before the story started.

- While Fatherson Spirit is flying Spirit of Mother out of the Beautiful Field –

(Spirit of Mother. Tower of Angel)

“Father… how long are we going to ascend? We should be at the base of the Tower now.”

Actually, how do we even know if we’re already at the base? Not even the radius of my Light is large enough to guide us along the walls, for the walls are too, too far apart.

Dammit, seriously, what’s the purpose of this place? It’s all dark, but if you start panicking you fall into a hole that was never there before, landing onto the Beautiful Field.

Wait, are we even still ascending?

“Father, are we s-”

“Ah, Mother, I think we are already… at the top.”

“At the top… of where?”

“The Tower, dear.”

“How do you know for sure?”

“I just… guessed, Mother.”

I narrow my eyebrows.

“You seem… unconcerned, Father. Those beings are still everywhere, and they are watching our every move.”

Father’s wrinkled lips naturally relax into a smile.

“Ah, are you actually afraid of them, Mother?”

I sneer at him.

“Who the hell’s afraid of them? I wanted to beat them up, but you went on being sad about us dying and shit.”

“But you didn’t disagree with me, eh, Mother?”

Yeah. I didn’t. Dammit.

“I mean… who else could I fight for, if not for you, Father?”

“That’s just another way of saying that you love me, eh?”

“Aw shit, shut up, man.”

He chuckles. I meant it, dammit. Sigh.

I shake my head, and that damn smile of mine couldn’t help but sneak out of the corner of my lips.

“So… what now, Father?”

The white-haired man looks up, then down, then right.

“Believe in ourselves, Mother. It is only through the magical power of believing in ourselves, that we can find a way out.”

I roll my eyes.

“Yeah, Father, as if that’ll help.”

I don’t know if Father’s just kidding, but no amount of belief can make my Light any brighter.

My Light… is dimming…

“Father, you’ve been moving forwards and backwards and leftwards and rightwards. Dammit, just stick to one direction. We’ll eventually hit a wall, and we’ll follow its circumference to the exit.”

“Oh, my dear Mother, I’ve been doing exactly just that. What may be your concern that caused you to think otherwise?”

I point sixty-degree upwards.

“Look at it, Father; look at my Light. It’s… well, I wouldn’t say flickering, but it’s contracting and expanding in various directions and… wait, are you sure you’re not changing direction?”

Father’s eyelids retreat and his thawed lips slowly freeze up.

“Mother, there is no need for concern; we will find the exit, and we…”

His words betray his feelings, as if trying to reject the reality we are in.

“… we will be happy together, Mot-”

“Father, watch out!”

I leap away from Father’s arms. I propel myself forward; my right palm pushes away a sharp white bone-like thing that was heading towards his face. My momentum shoves me forward, as I lower my body and stretch out my right leg, which hooks onto one of those fishes’ squid-like tentacles. As expected, they wrap around my shin very tightly, stopping me in my tracks. With my left knee bent, a hard, sudden push thrusts me upward and forward, as the wretched Underwater Person slips and falls onto the ground; their fish-head slamming onto the floor. I aim my right elbow towards one of their cat-eyes, before falling straight down, jamming its eye deeper into its socket. The fingers on my left-hand grab onto their peacock-feathers, and I pull, hard. Before they could even scream, I stuff those feathers into their damned horse-lips.

“Piece of shit. I knew you were up to some fucked-up shit. Go to hell, assholes.”

I slam the entirety of my four-inch heels into their other cat-eye. I lift my leg. I slam down again. And again. And again.

I bend down and pick up that white bone-like thing that they tried to stab Father with. The thing is but a cheaply made two-metre-long stick, which is sharpened on one side from the midway point to its tip. It’s not exactly wooden; it feels like…

… this is made from a real bone, eh?

And the fish I just stepped on slowly melts onto the floor, leaving behind some colourful fluid that resembles the Soup of Life around us, and also… some fragments of what look like bones.

… Weren’t the walls surrounding the Beautiful Field also made of these bones?

“Hey, fuckers, are you scared now? Stop hiding your pussy-ass in the dark! Who do you think I am, huh? Fucking come out and face m-”

“Mother!!”

I turn back. Huh, wait, what? Fuck. Dammit. Where’s Father?

Shit, I can’t find him. Fuck. My Light’s not bright enough.

Why the hell is this Tower so fucking dark anyway?

Shit. I run. I run towards the direction I came from. Shit.

Was… Father so far behind me?

I see nothi-

Whoa shit fuuuuuuuuu-

“Mother… hold onto my hand… I’ll… fly us out of this hole.”

 Huh? Wait a mi-

… Ouch. Gah. I’m in Father’s arms again.

“Mother… are you okay?”

“I… Huh… What…”

I look left. I look right. I blink a few times. My brain isn’t really processing things properly. I blankly look at father. Father tearfully looks at me.

“Mother… I would very much love to pull you into my embrace, but… we shouldn’t make any… backwards movements in this place… And Mother… you…”

He strokes my left cheek. He feels the pores on my skin. I feel the wrinkles on his fingers, slowing dragging themselves down my expressionless face.

“Please… don’t leave me alone…”

I never did, I… Sigh.

“Father, I…”

I slowly touched onto the ground, unable to continue my sentence. My mind boggles me. Father boggles me. I slap my right cheek a few times. I’m not dreaming… aren’t I? It’s so dark and my Light barely lights up the presumably all-black floor and everything around us looks so dreary and meaningless.

I don’t really want to say it so upfront, but if not for Father’s presence, despite still having my Light, I would’ve gone mad myself.

“What… exactly happened? I didn’t see you behind me, and suddenly I fell, and suddenly I was lifted back to solid ground, and…”

Father, still kneeling on the ground, points at my heart. He tries to say something, but his lips shiver in place. He tries again, but his tongue ties into a knot. He tries again.

“M-m-m-m-mother, your L-l-l-light Machine… it isn’t any ordinary L-light; similarly, this d-d-darkness around us… isn’t any ordinary dark. Y-y-you went too far ahead, and your Light no longer shines upon me, and I… and I….”

Father, please… dammit, please don’t cry on me. Dammit… Ugh… I don’t know… how to deal with this.

“All my worries, all my fears; all my nightmarish visions of the past, present, and future; and the most dreadful feeling of despair I’ve ever felt… it came to me… It… It nearly consumed me…”

… He has to be exaggerating. Dammit, it’s just…

“And I crawled backwards… while looking at the direction that I’ve last seen you, and I, and I… I fell… I fell into a hole… but I managed to grab onto the ledge, but then I…”

Father, you have wings, you could’ve just fl-

“I… gave up… until… I saw you falling into the same hole as me… I saw… your Light passing by me…”

The white-haired man looks down. Sigh… I mean, I’ve always known him as the more emotional side of the Angel, but…

I kneel. I press both palms onto the sides of his shoulders. I look at him in the eyes. Lifeless. I’ve never seen him like this. I would never go so far as to deem Father “weak”, but this…

… what is this black gas? A fume that is so thick that it’s hard to breathe… and Father…

Dammit. I should’ve been more wary of my distance from him.

“Father… I’m here, and we… we will get out of this place, together.”

And he breaks down into a sob. Aww, dammit, I mean, come on, ugh…

Sigh… He’s a mess now. Come on… I mean, I’m feeling guilty too, okay? I didn’t mean to leave you behind, and I did, and you…

I should’ve been the one breaking down, for my failure to protect you… Sigh.

I pull him closer to me; my hands wrap around his back, and his head to the left of mine. He naturally buries his bawling eyes within the comfort of my shoulder. Ugh… I’m not really used to this… or maybe I’m just afraid to comfort others.

… When will he stop crying? Please, just… stop already. I… sigh. They are watching us, aren’t they? But I can’t just ask Father to hurry up with his crying and leave, right? That’ll be rude, I think, but we’re in such a risky position here, and…

Goddammit, I… suck at comforting others.

“Father, it’s going to be okay…”

“Mother… Mother…”

I feel the strap of my dress on my left shoulder getting a little soaked.

“… I’m truly useless, aren’t I?”

No… come on… don’t be like this… why are you like this… ugh…

“Father, without your wings, we would never have escaped that Field… Now, we have to g-”

And the man suddenly stands up; the last of his tears instantly drying off from his face.

“They’re here, Mother. We have to go.”

That is a… very sudden change in mood, but… I thought he was depressed. Just a few seconds ago he was a sobbing wreck, and now…

Maybe… maybe he did not cry because he was weak, or because his heart was weakened by the darkness. Maybe…

… maybe he only cried and poured his heart out… because it was me?

“Mother, I will never let them lay a finger on you.”

I look down and shake my head, with a subtle smirk drawn on my face. Father may be weak, but he…

“Let’s go, Father. I’ll never leave you behind again.”

… his heart is in the right pla-

Wait, what? The radius of my Light is getting… smaller.

“Mother, run!”

We sprint ahead, side-by-side. Father is to the left of me; his fingers locked in between mine. Eh? Wait, I didn’t agree to t-

Ah, dammit, if we were to run on our own then we might get separated again. It’s just… ugh… I’m not used to…

… then why are your fingers locked onto his as well, Mother?

Fucking hell, Mother, you have no time to think about this. You gotta find that damn exit.

Run. Run. Run.

Why the hell is my Light shrinking?

This dark… it really isn’t any ordinary dark. It’s narrowing in. Shit. I wildly swipe the bone-blade around. Dammit, there’s nothing in the dark. Eh, shit, my Light only reaches up till the far end of the blade now.

I hit something. I hear a loud puff.

Shit, the area’s even darker now.

I squint. There’s definitely something up ahead. A dot… A white dot the width of a hair in the midst of this dark.

“Father! There’s something up ah-”

And I’m being yanked forward by his locked fingers, as he picks up his pace towards that white dot. Soon, the hair-wide white dot grows into a fist-sized rectangle, slightly taller than it is wide. Soon, it grows into a-

Huh? My left hand feels… emptier. Eh, wait, did I leave him behind again? Wa-

FUCK.

There is… fucking bone sticking out of his left shoulder. Shit, why didn’t I notice that before? And we were so close to the exit.

“… Mother… I’m… fine… It’s just a… ah fuck it hurts… it’s just a stab wound… It’s not serious, I still can… I still can breathe.”

I look around. They were always watching us, weren’t they? They sensed the lapse in my attention, as I was too distracted by that damned feeling of hope after seeing the exit.

Calm down, Mother, you’re no longer distracted now, so you should be able to sense out any of those fuckers trying to att-

“Ah! M-m-mother… m-m-mo-mo-mo-mo-”

Wait, no, I… did not just see what I saw. W-wait, no, Mother, c-calm d-d-down…

“FATHER!”

A… puddle of red, pink, yellow, purple… No… no no no no no no no no n-

Father’s legs are… g-gone…

“Wooooooo you motherfuckers had it coming! Stupid assholes, you seriously thought you could escape this place alive? Hah! Idiots! You know, we never wanted to be so… forceful! But you two… Dammit, you two were so fucking violent! How dare you… how dare you lay your shitty hands on us?”

I reach forward to touch Father, but the tips of my fingers start to melt as I came into contact with that… Soup of Life. No, shit, I gotta move Father away from it; he’s going to fucking melt! I reach for him again, but Father tightly holds my wrist with his right hand.

“M-mother… it’s okay… I’m… fine… Clear… clear the path… to the exit… and… go…”

No, you little shit, you will turn into fucking Soup at this rate. Shit, I can see the bones in my fingers, shit, I…

“Fucking hell! Don’t stop me, you idiot! You wanna melt or something?”

But his face is… surprisingly indifferent to the pain he’s supposedly suffering.

“Mother… go… go on… I… Ah!”

I lift my hand upwards… with Father’s severed right hand still holding onto my wrist.

FUUUUU-

“I-I-I’m fine… Go… L-l-leave me… S-s-save y-yourself…”

“People, you will stop your incessant assault against the inhabitants of this world, for your violence only serves to drive them further and further away from the path of true enlightenment! What is the point of enlightening a man who has been severed into many pieces?!”

Philosopher Corals.

“Ah, inhabitants of this world, we truly apologize for this very, very unruly response towards your very, very sacred bodies. Unfortunately, these People do not know anything other than the utterly sadistic pleasure of bloodsh-” 

Fuck off.

“Hah! Stupid Corals, how does it feel to be chopped into pieces, huh? You see, these motherfuckers are unnegotiable through the words of your stupid ‘enlightenment’. The motherfuckers have the barbaric brains of motherfuckers, and they only think like motherfuckers because th-”

Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

No no no no no no no no no I I I I I I I

Father…

 

 

 

(Fatherson Spirit.)

This is the most sorrowful thing in the world.

Yes, my legs are chopped off, and my left arm is still hanging off Mother’s wrist, and the whites of my apparel are stained by the tragic colours of the Soup of Life spurting out of my wounds, and I am in such a deep state of numbness and shock that I could no longer speak out in coherent sentences, but…

Nothing… nothing… nothing pains me more than to see my beautiful, perfect Mother in such a desperate state…

Oh, Mother… My beautiful Mother… I told you not to worry about me, and I told you to go on without me, but…

Of course, I am but a hopeful being, only daydreaming about the best-case scenarios where Mother would so efficiently decimate the enemy with one fell swoop of her blade of justice, and with her unwavering arms of pure strength and love, she will carry me out of this place; her Light of absolute salvation will enlighten our paths toward the brightest future together…

… a happy ending.

Ah, but Mother now, she’s… She’s just wildly swinging her blade around, screaming all the way. I feel that her heart is breaking into a million pieces, consumed by the fear that I might not survive this.

But Mother, death works differently in this world… for the Angel wouldn’t have survived the fall from the Island had it been so easy to die… These lack of limbs… they will grow back, and they will grow back stronger than ever, and until then, Mother…

It’s been five minutes, ten minutes of her flailing her blade in a thousand different directions, all while screeching words that perfectly accentuate her inner dissatisfaction and utmost despair… And yet, she has never once kept me away from the radius of her Light…

Mother… you should go… But to where, Mother? Where can you go from here?

Where can we go from here?

And I see the stumps on my legs getting longer, as the bloodied Soup no longer spews as ceaselessly as before. The pain is still overwhelming, however the hurt of seeing Mother in this state is soul-shattering…

I need to help her… somehow…

Her howls echo through the dark… and my heart shrinks with each shriek…

I need to… I need t- Ah!

… Dammit… I fell into this hole… again…

My left hand holds onto the ledge… dammit… my legs and right hand still hasn’t fully regenerated yet…

Ah… is this the end? I still can see and feel the intensity of Mother’s Light… although it flickers here and there, as she moves around the area like a dancer of a thousand blades…

“FATHER! WHERE ARE YOU?!”

Mother… I’m… here… in this hole… I still… I still can’t speak…

Mother… can you see me? No… no she can’t… that was why she completely missed me when I fell into the hole just now…

But Mother… Mother should’ve known that the hole would’ve appeared behind me if I walked backwards… and she…

… she will come for me, won’t she?

And her cries reverberate in the dark, as her Light starts to shimmer…

There has been a Light… and now there is but a little Light…

… Mother… you won’t leave me here… will you?

Ah, Father, what are you even thinking? If she left you, it’s because you deserved it, didn’t you?

Father… you had almost all your limbs sliced off, and you fell into the hole not once, but twice. How instinctively unsound must you be to bring about this situation onto yourself?

… Sigh. The Light is no more.

And her screams… are no more.

Did she… perish? No! Mother can never die! She is the strongest being in this world! She…

But Father, she’s up against perhaps thousands of those foreign beings in the middle of this endless dark, and her heart and mind have been shattered by the thought of losing you.

… No… she wouldn’t mind losing someone useless like me…

… I’m just… good for my wings.

I could fly out of this hole, but… what’s the point?

What’s the point of living if I have to live without her?

Because without her… without Mother…

 

 

 

I’m all alone.

 

 

 

I mean, it’s fine, I have always been alone, I mean… the Angel spent twenty-five years on this Star all by himself…

But he… but he… he gave up in the end.

… Father, believe in yourself.

… Father, believe in Mother.

… What is the point of my heart, if my heart were not to be filled with the love of Mother?

… What is the point of my life, if my daily walks were not to be guided by the Light of Mother?

… What is the… point… of being alone in this world…?

And I…

 

 

 

I let go of the ledge.

 

 

 

Ah… life is so beautiful…

Truly in this pitch-black dark, it is but a dream in wake, or a wake in dream…

A life filled with dreams… the darkness could be anything…

And as my body feels more and more weightless, I see within the dark…

… A woman, the walker of this world, who strives only to save this world from an eternal nightfall, for this world is on a collision course towards a self-imposed despair.

… A man, the dreamer of this world, who has moulded this world out of his very own self, and thus wanting nothing more than to achieve eternal happiness for the world… and for himself.

… A woman, the protector of this world, who seeks to shield this world from any harm, driven by her fear of an irrecoverable loss, and a smile that can never return without love…

… A man, the believer of this world, who has the wings to reach the edges of the heavens, with an infallible belief that the faraway smile can be reached, and that this world can finally achieve its happy ending…

… And I see…

… deep within the darkest of dark…

A ghost made of the hollowest of dark… who could become anything… everything…

And I wonder and wonder, if this Ghost of Everything were to be in the shape of Mother, then… then…

… A white dot.

… A white dot.

Mother…

… Truly, your Light has brought me back to my senses.

And I see… and I feel…

… I feel the wings of hope manifesting from my back.

And I rush forward. I push towards the ever-growing Light.

The momentum. It’s faster. Faster. There can be no pause in my movements.

And I ascend towards the Light of the heavens.

And Mother kneels on the floor.

I fly into her. I scoop her up with my left hand and my still-regenerating right hand, which has grown back up to its wrist. And I propel myself at full speed.

And Mother, she… she cleared the path.

And the white rectangle grows into the size of a human.

And we enter it. The light of the outside.

And I look at the magnificent woman in my arms; stunningly lovely she is in appearance as she is in her heart. And she, exhausted from the carnage against all evil, drifts off into her dreams.

And I look at her dazzling eyelids roofing over her steadfast eyes, as her red lips caress one another, immovable in place.

And as I fly upward and forward, across the Abyss of Humans, away from all those prying eyes and those meddling ears, I bend my head down towards her forehead.

And my ridge-filled lips lightly touch her delicate skin.

“Mother…  thank you… for not leaving me behind…”

And my lips quiver in place and my breaths tremor in my throat, but I do not complain, for it is precisely at a time like this, when Mother is in my now fully healed arms, that I have to be strong for her.

And I… And I…

“I love you, Mother.”

 

 

 

(Spirit of Mother. Abyss of Humans)

Father, I…

… I won’t laugh at you if you cry, you know…

… why would I, when I’m already trying my damnedest not to let my tears show…

… Father, since I’m very obviously sleeping… please stop looking at me… a sleeping person is the most boring thing to look at…

… Father… please? I don’t… I don’t want you to see me…

… I don’t want you to question me and tease me and call me weak if you see me… if you see me…

… Father…

“Mother, it’s going to be okay…”

 

 

 

I love you… I love you too… I love you so damned much, Father… And I dream… And I dream…

 

 

 

(Fatherson Spirit, Spirit of Mother.)

I dream of a happy ending together with you…

 

 

 

---

- After Great Motivation and Ghast Mundane remerged into Grey Mother –

(Grey Mother. Spine of the World)

The broom is in my hand, yet the intensity of my thoughts is thicker than the dust on the Spine.

But this Warm Chair certainly is comfortable…

“Hah! Told you so, Mother. You see, the whole point of me sweeping the Spine wasn’t to gain control of the world, it was truly so that I could watch over the world, while sitting on this freaking amazing Chair!”

… Yeah… it’s certainly amazing… I try not to show it, but…

… I certainly wish this chair could seat two people.

… Sigh. What am I even thinking? Memories of the past hit me like a truck, and all I could think of is the sweet, sweet hope of a happy ending…

But… is this happy ending really so easily achievable through sweeping the Spine?

I need to try… I need to fucking try at least… Because that’s why I remerged, right…?

Even if there’s the slimmest chance that Walk and the Children will come back, I’ll fucking take it.

And I get up from the Warm Chair. I turn around. I stare at it. It is but a golden throne, cushioned to the exact extent of perfect comfortability. Exquisite, ostentatious, it may seem boastful for us to be sitting on an unnecessarily snazzy throne reserved for the most egotistical of Lords, but it makes me think, and I think Dream’s thinking the same thing as well. With the Chair providing us the luxury of a moment of rest, in a world where time simultaneously passes and stay still…

… when will it be our turn to sit down and rest, and finally experience this… “happy ending”?

I look at Dream in the eyes. His eyes are masked with hope, yet underneath lie a dreadful sense of despair, for we know that the whole reason for him sweeping the Spine was to get me back together in one piece…

And he did it… despite knowing what happened to Walk upon fulfilling her dreams…

… Her dreams? But… her dreams were forced upon her by those two…

… Seriously, Mother? You still going on about that? Are you still denying the possibility that maybe, just maybe, that was Walk’s dream all along?

… You’re just conveniently pushing the blame onto those two, aren’t you?

… I guess I will never know… not until I ask Walk myself.

And Dream… he no longer looks like the guy that spat heartless words and perched himself above all others…

… he was never that kind of person, wasn’t he? I guess… it’s just… a way for him to… overcome Father’s weakness… his weakness…

… his love for Mother, which drove him to kill himself.

But truly… Dream could never hide that side of Father forever, couldn’t he?

… Hey Dream, you totally didn’t hug me, and I totally didn’t cry… cool?

And I look at the other person. The Angel. And I wonder to him…

… What are you going to do now? Just… look at all these parts of yourself, just…

… Why didn’t… or why couldn’t… you help us work our way towards a happy ending…?

And I look down onto the City. The enemy still argues incessantly, and there are no signs of stopping.

But I have no interest in their actions. I have no interest in their purpose.

Instead, I turn around. The white-haired man stands three metres in front of me; his hair as messy as ever, yet there is a certain sense of wise tiredness on his face. And the skins on his fingers are undeniably bumpy, yet within them contain the same tirelessly ambitious spirit that Father resolutely believed in. And with that, I speak out the one thing that has been bugging me this whole time.

“Dream, do you know that your pants have been unzipped this whole time?”

And somehow, I expect a long, extravagant speech about how I’m absolutely mistaken for not noticing it earlier, but…

“Oh shit… Um, well, um… y-yeah… t-thanks.”

By the end of that barely cohesive sentence, his pants are no longer unzipped.

“… Seriously? Didn’t you always know about this?”

Dream chuckles awkwardly.

“I-I… Hah, I didn’t really care that much, I guess. I mean, my whole attire upon manifesting in this place… I mean, I didn’t expect you guys to care that much about me, anyway, so I didn’t really bother with how I look, and…”

And it’s as if I am no longer seeing Dream…

 

 

 

… I am seeing Father. And I can’t help but shed just one more drop of tear.

And I swear. This is the last time anyone sees me in this state.

 

 

 

Dammit. This is… embarrassing.

 

 

 

In the beginning, Grey Mother stood on the Spine of the World. Now the Spine was dusty and dispirited, and a traumatizing Lightless Field was underneath the surface, the Spinal Cord.

And Grey Mother said, “Let dreams be fulfilled through my sweeping of the Spine,” and there was a sweep. Grey Mother saw that the sweep emitted the brightest Light, and the sky was filled with Light.

And with the Light, all with the name Your Highness Our Saviour Who Lived Only Beautiful Lives in the Holy Monarch of Our True Selves no longer argued among themselves. Grey Mother saw that it was good, and called out, “Let the voices of Our True Selves be forever lost in the wind, and never to be heard again.” And Our True Selves have lost their voices and could no longer speak ever again—the first day.

And Grey Mother said, “Let the minds and thoughts of Our True Selves cease to exist, and let Our True Selves be unable to form new thoughts ever again.” And the minds of Our True Selves have rid all thoughts from existence and can no longer form new thoughts ever again—the second day.

Then Grey Mother said, “Let the Bloody Rain no longer pour upon this world, for the meaning and essence of Our True Selves have been rid from this world.” And the bloodied corpses no longer rain down from the sky, and it was due the eradication of the meaning and essence of Our True Selves from this world—the third day.

Then Grey Mother said, “Let the Lightless Field that impedes the beauty of the Spinal Cord be rid from this world.” And the Spinal Cord has been rid of the Lightless Field—the fourth day.

And Grey Mother said, “Let all the limbs, joints, muscles, and internal organs of Our True Selves cease to function, and let all their bones be brittle such as to be breakable with the slightest touch.” And Our True Selves, lacking functioning limbs, joints, muscles, and internal organs, could no longer move or perform any bodily functions, and all their bones became so brittle that the slightest touch would break them—the fifth day.

And Grey Mother said, “Let a process to fully annihilate Our True Selves commence upon a destined time, and for as long as the process fully annihilates Our True Selves upon a destined time, to be henceforth only to be referred to as the name ‘A Kind Repentance through the Thought-Provoking Introspection of The Lonely Ending’ in name, spirit, and might, to only be shortened to The Lonely Ending.” And henceforth the process to fully annihilate Our True Selves that is to be commenced upon a destined time shall only be spoken in name, spirit, and might as A Kind Repentance through the Thought-Provoking Introspection of The Lonely Ending, to only be shortened to The Lonely Ending—the sixth day.

By the seventh day Grey Mother has finished the work she had been doing; so on the seventh day Grey Mother rested from all her work.

 

 

 

… The Lonely Ending, huh?

I sit on the Warm Chair, looking down upon the millions of oddly chimerical, weirdly proportioned beings, who have now lost their voices and can no longer move. The Underwater People lie immovably on the ground; their tortoise-flippers are fanned out and contorted in the most uncomfortable angles; their horse-lips pressed between their scaly fish-heads and the sharp bumps on the black asphalt; their peacock-feathers no longer stretched or spread out, but simply limp on the ground, as gravity pulls the weight of these wretched creatures further and further away from the majesty of the white cuboids towering above them.

Dream leans back against the left armrest of the Chair; his hands in his now-zipped shorts’ pockets; his white hair slightly flatter and less omnidirectional than before, having just recently combed it with his fingers. He loses himself in his view of the sky; his eyes fixated at the everlasting sun, unmoving from its position for twenty-five years, and perhaps unmoving for all eternity. His only remarks are, “The Bloody Rain has finally stopped…”

I sit on the Warm Chair, looking down upon the millions of disgustingly deflated, falsely philosophical beings, who have now lost their voices and can no longer move. The Philosopher Corals lie immovably on the ground; their purple exoskeletons gradually lose their shimmery glitter and are beginning to soften into a mouldy little pile of greyish yellowish goo; their red tentacles are all tangled in an eyesore of a mangled mess, piling up and stuffing in between each other like strings choking each other to death; the Lightless Field steadily flows out of their tentacles’ uncontracted muscles, dyeing the City of Sleep’s already-black asphalt with the newest shade of void.

Angel stands to the right of the Chair; his hands by the side of his grey hole-ridden jeans; his grey hair has never been staler, having never touched it over the past twenty-five years. He loses himself in his view of the City; his eyes fixated at the motionless beings purposelessly existing on the black asphalt, as another lifeless Person, who have been lying unbalanced on the top edge of a white cuboid, finally embraces their brothers and sisters below.

I sit on the Warm Chair, looking at the lightlessness of my closed eyelids. Within this darkness of my own mind, I am desperately trying to find something… something I thought I may have left behind…

… I am trying to find my heart.

These are our enemies. These are the foreign beings who have invaded our world during our most vulnerable moment—when we were asleep, trying to run away from the rapid deterioration of our mind, inflicted by a life of stagnation and immovability. I turn my head towards the right. Yep, exactly like that. All Angel does is stare and stare and stare, never once offering words or feedback… or even some instinctive comments about the current situation. The man with the unbuttoned grey shirt, who was once the great and powerful being called the Angel, is now but a purposeless vessel.

If he were already the being with the hollowest and emptiest heart before all this, he is but a being without a heart now.

And it makes me wonder, why was the Angel so full of suffering? And given the current situation, where Walk, Dream, and I have achieved our “dreams” … why is the Angel still so full of suffering?

I look to my left, and I realize Dream is no longer looking at the sun, but at me. And the intricacies of the tiredness in his eyes, surrounded by the most unvanquishable dark circles and the most perilous wrinkles speak words…

It speaks to me that Dream is wondering the same thing.

“All this, Dream… All this… and we don’t even know if it’ll bring Walk and the Children back…”

His head discernibly lowers inch by inch, until it barely hangs off his dispirited neck. His distinct sigh resonates through the hearts of every being in this world, and maybe, just maybe, even Walk’s.

“Mother… what are you waiting for? When will be the ‘destined time’ for you to commence The Lonely Ending?”

He seemingly ignores my concerns, yet I know that he’s subconsciously trying to separate himself from a possible grim reality.

What if… what if they don’t come back? I mean, I think I will be devastated, yeah, perhaps inconsolable, maybe I’ll scream and cry and maybe I might even bring those multi-armed, multi-armoured forms back…

But that’s me. I have my ways of dealing with this, no matter how shitty my life gets… There are definitely better ways than that, but…

… what about Dream?

The glass walls shielding the integrity of his dreams—his literal life purpose, that is to achieve eternal happiness—Nirvana, through each of us achieving our individual dreams… so much that he is willing to shoulder the world’s dreams of eternal happiness, despite his fragile mental state.

And to see Walk… to see Walk…

And now… if this dream of mine doesn’t bring her back…

Dammit. Mother. Just do it already. Stop fucking around in your mind. Shithead.

If it’s gonna be a shitty ending for all of us, then just bring it on already, fucking hell.

… Sigh.

“Mother… I’m sorry, but…”

He pauses. He no longer continues. I rise from the Chair. I walk towards the front of him, leaning by the left side of the Chair. I press both hands onto the sides of his shoulders. I pull him to the Chair. I push him onto the Chair.

“It feels weird that I’m some Lord, Dream. The Lord of… Stagnation… Sigh. What is it that you’re sorry about?”

I don’t know if it is him that’s sinking deeper into the cushions of the Chair, or it is his head that’s sinking deeper into his frailish frame.

He quickly shakes his head; his hands pressing onto his face, before dragging themselves to his temples. He lets go of his face, before slapping both of his own cheeks twice.

“No, no, no, Mother, you’re absolutely mistaken, I’m still the Lord of Our Selves, aren’t I? Haha, um, yeah…”

He slaps his own right cheek twice, and his left cheek once. He quickly shakes his head again, as if trying to shake himself awake from his egotistical fantasy. I sigh. I’m not even offended anymore.

… Don’t we all have our own ways of coping with shit?

“Anyway, um, well… if the outcome of The Lonely Ending will mark the most drastic change of our lives, whether in a good way or in a shitty way… Mother…”

He rises up from the Chair.

“The enemies are lifeless now, and will be forever lifeless until The Lonely Ending, so…”

He looks slightly upward, right into the gradual lifelessness of my eyes.

“Since we have time… wouldn’t you agree if we… if we…”

Truly, the echoes of Father are inside him.

Truly, we are but lonely beings seeking the company of one another.

I walk three steps forward. I place the broom on the Spine. A dust-free region radiates out from the broom. I lower myself down. I sit on the Spine, cross-legged. I look outwards, and the City of Sleep is but a City where those foreign beings eternally Sleep.

… Such a fitting name.

“So… are you gonna come over here or what?”

And there is a very, very shaky smile on his trembling face.

The man with the denim singlet walks over to me. He turns around and sits on the ground, with his legs stretched straight. He slowly lowers his back.

His head rests on my thighs.

And for a moment, just for a moment, I try not to think of him as Dream, who was once the being I despised the most due to his weakness, and who I once unforgivably tortured just to bury my very own weaknesses.

Just for a moment… I try not to think as myself as Grey Mother, who was supposedly the strongest being in this world, and who felt that being strong meant that the heart could not be weak, and the tears could not be let go…

Just for a moment, or maybe forever…

Just as long as the unmoving sun stays still…

 

 

 

… I want to love.

 

 

 

As I place my battle-worn fingers and my creasy palm on his unblemished forehead, stroking the individual hairs of pure white that lay peacefully dormant above his beautiful, beautiful mind…

“I love you, Mother.”

“Yeah, I love you too…”

“… Father.”

 

 

 

“Mother, why are you crying?”

 

 

 

Father, oh Father, I simply do not want this perfect moment to end. You are my sword and shield, Father. You are my safeguard; you are my support. There is no need to sweep the Spine anymore, for I am with you today, every day…

… until our happy ending…

… until our Lonely Ending…

 

 

 

… and The Lonely Ending shall commence.

 

 

 

THE LONELY ENDING

- After Grey Walker DIED!! –

 Event 23. Fourteen weeks before the story started.

(Antispirit. Island of I)

- After Fatherson Spirit and Spirit of Mother escaped the Tower of Angel –

How long have I been hiding here?

(Spirit of Mother. Island of I)

How much time has passed since she jumped off that Spine?!

The Island of I… a place where we can finally rest for a while…

Dammit, why the hell am I stuck in this space? This hole I’ve made under the Island isn’t even that big… I can’t even move my arms around…

It may not be too big, but the Island’s definitely more than enough for the two of us.

Sigh… why did she… why did she die?!

But… we’re unsafe here, aren’t we, Father? That Spinal Cord is filled with that black gas… I call it the Lightless Field… These Fields were all the Corals’ doing…

But she… but she’s… fine, isn’t she? I mean… I mean…

Actually, no, wasn’t the Cord already filled to the brim with the Field even before the Bloody Rain? Is this Lightless Field… a symptom of this world’s… disease?

This world is sick! This world is hopeless! It is the world’s disease that has made Walk so depressed!

And those People and their bones… their “Old Walls” … isn’t the Spine made out of that very same… Old Wall? So, that means those foreign beings, when they fell from the sky and hit the ground, they… absorbed part of this world, didn’t they?

Fucking shit! Bitch! What the fuck is even in that fucking book?! She literally worsened this world’s disease so that she could read that shitty little thing and fucking kill herself!! How sick! How… sick…

Those People and Corals… they all behaved like that simply because that’s how the world is, right? Then why… then why… why did they try… to destroy that box…? Inside that box… inside that damn box…

Dammit, in the end, nothing ever matters anymore… this world but a sickly little shit walking along the path of self-destruction…

… Sigh. Unlike me, Father’s just chilling on the grass and staring at that unmoving sun, as if lost in the seduction of eternal stagnation…

Stagnation… The fucking poison of this world… It is why the world can never fix its path… it is why the world is fated to be lonely until its very end…

But why is this world so sickly depressing? I mean, Father and I are two different beings, and I’m damned sure that the both of us have different thoughts and principles, but we… we love each other, don’t we?

This stagnation… this never-ending cycle of death and rebirth… this Samsara will never end! Dream, my brother, no matter how many of our dreams are fulfilled, we can never escape this endless cycle of mundanity!

Father, tell me, why do you think that this world is so diseased? Why do you think that our self-hatred and apathy manifested into such horrifying beings? Those foreign beings… they are foreign because we believe that they’re foreign, but truly, Father… truly…

Truly, for as long as we remain rotten to the core, for as long as the sun remains unmoving, nothing will ever change, and nothing will ever matter.

If this world truly is so horrid in nature, then why… then why am I even protecting it? What is the purpose of me being strong?!

That is why, Walk, Mother, and Dream, that is why we must make a change to this world; for we, the inhabitants of this world, have a sworn duty to free this world from Samsara!

There is no point, isn’t it? If this world is so rotten, then nothing will be able to change it, for this world has been built upon a foundation that has begun to irreversibly corrode, and soon, this world will inevitably collapse, and everyone will end up in…

THE LONELY ENDING

That is why, Dream, that is why you chose to become the Lord of Our Selves, for what I am witnessing right now—the implosion of the disease of the world, is nothing but you recognizing that the world is diseased, and that this disease has been exacerbated by the influx of those corpses from the sky—the Bloody Rain.

“Father, why are you so relaxed? There are enemies everywhere, even within the Spiral Cord, and they are watching and listening to our every move…”

And Dream, my good brother, I may not be able to see you from this cramped space under the Island, but I can hear you, and I know that you are badly affected by Walk’s death, but my brother, my good, good brother…

And Father looks at me with the calmest eyes; his flowing white hair and artistically painted black streaks show no signs of fear, stress, or remorse.

Brother… your sadness and doubts will soon be gone, for as long as we believe in our plan, everyone will attain eternal happiness, for I, Antispirit, I will…

“I will rewrite this world, Mother, and I will write out the happy ending that we rightfully deserve. By understanding that, my love, how could you not be relaxed and carefree?”

But… what is this? I was a little weirded out when I heard Mother’s voice; I mean, she sounded a little… stoic. But I just thought… I just thought it was just her trying to cope with finding out about Walk’s death, but… oh, Mother…

“Mother… why do you look so dejected? Is something in your mind? Something you would like to share with me?”

So Mother, she… killed herself too… But those forms, those robotic forms… Mother, you’re just trying to distance yourself from reality, aren’t you?

“Father, I’m sorry, it’s just… I’m just concerned, you know, about… Sigh, I mean, there’s only you and me in this world, and if… and if something were to happen to one of us, then…”

Mother, my poor Mother, I’m sorry, I’m very sorry that… I had to do all that—working together with this world’s disease, and that incident with the box… but rest assured, Mother, for…

“I will make sure, Mother, that we achieve a happy ending together, so don’t you worry, Mother, for the pain is temporary, and even if something were to happen to one of us, Mother, please always remember that…”

… Death is meaningless in this world, and that’s because…

“… by rewriting this world…”

 

 

 

… we will achieve Nirvana together.

 

 

 

And all the Underwater People and Philosopher Corals now lie lifeless on the ground. Mother, once this is all over…

“… once the destined time has come…”

 

 

 

… I will rise up and rewrite this world.

 

 

 

(Grey Mother. Spine of the World)

So, this is it. Those beings… they simply melted into Soup… I guess that’s it, huh…?

 (Dreamer. Spine of the World)

Truly, Mother, you have always been so damned good with names… This truly is The Lonely Ending…

So… what now?

So… what now?

The rainbow-colored Soup has already dissolved into the black asphalt and white sands, and the sky has been commanded to never let another Bloody Rain occur so…

I knew it. I fucking knew it. Goddammit. Shit.

… Walk and the Children aren’t back yet, huh… Do I have to... let them know, or something?

“Hey Walk! Hey Children! Mother has annihilated all those bastards, and this world will forever be free from them, so… yeah. I mean, just letting you guys know, just in case… you know… you want to come back…”

Was Dream not loud enough? I mean, since they didn’t come back after their deaths, they must have returned to the compositions of this world, so…

… They’re under us, aren’t they? They should be everywhere, in every crevice, every corner, every speck of white sand and black asphalt of the City, every fibre on the Spine, and even the air of the Star itself, so…

… They are not coming back, aren’t they?

… Well, can’t say I didn’t expect this. Dammit. I actually wish Walk would just pop up of nowhere and be like, “No, no, no, Dream, you are absolutely mistaken! I am clearly alive and ready to beat your face in.” Shit.

… They are not coming back… aren’t they…?

They are not coming back, huh? Ah, this world truly is rotten to its core… but Walk, please, please rest assured…

I finally get out of the space under the Island. Dammit, if I were not in such a rush to place the book on the Spine before Dream’s and Mother’s arrival, I would’ve at least made a rocky bed for myself.

Ah… The air’s so fresh and the sky’s so blue and finally, finally there are no more corpses raining from the sky.

Ah… Life is beautiful…

But I need to face them, don’t I? How will Mother react to seeing me? I mean, the whole point of me hiding in that hole was because I was afraid of her reaction. I mean, not like she will actually kill me, but…

Oh, maybe she actually will, but really, I wasn’t exactly worried about that. I was more concerned about her being too focused on killing me rather than ridding the world of those foreign beings.

… Or maybe I was just afraid.

But from the bits and pieces I’ve heard from those two conversing on the Spine, I mean, they were some distance away from me, and sound doesn’t travel too far, but it seemed as if…

… as if I were mistaken about Mother’s savagery.

I mean, I was wrong about Walk as well… I didn’t… I didn’t expect that the contents of the book would literally drive her to… to…

… But it’s fine, right? It’s all fine, I mean, I’m so close… So, so close…

Ah… I nearly forgotten about you, Anti. Those bat wings, that unblemished white suit, and that gaudy little shades of yours… But man… I don’t think this is the best time…

Fucking hell. I don’t even want to say anything to that bitch. I mean, duh, he was hiding under the fucking Island! Did he think I was braindead or what? I’m the Grey Mother of this world, and of course I could smell your squirming little soul from a mile away; that was why I was so damned confident about keeping them… in the…

… box…

… If something were to happen to them, I would’ve… sensed it… and I would’ve broken them out… but… I…

I…

Ah, dammit, Anti, look at what you’ve done to Mother… I mean, it’s not entirely your fault, for this was all part of our plan, but…

I guess there are things we still don’t understand, brother. Sigh…

“Uh, guys, I mean, it’s not like I actually want you guys to scream at me for that incident with the box, or me being a coward and hiding myself in a hole, I mean, ugh, it’s not that I want that, but…”

… Nothing? No words? Seriously? I’ve prepared for this scenario; you know. I’ve actually pictured Mother throwing a thousand blades at me, and me swiftly dodging in between them, before breaking into a smirk and saying, “Heh, nice to meet you again, Mother! Do not fear, for I will rewrite this world to make us all happy again!”

“… this is worse, isn’t it, guys? Just the two of your silently staring at me like I’m some… devil…”

Sigh. I really don’t want Anti to feel bad, but really, I don’t know what to say anymore; it’s not like I’m exactly happy over the outcome of The Lonely Ending…

Dream’s not even looking at me anymore. Dammit, why is everyone like this all of a sudden? Shit, this wasn’t part of our plan…

… Sigh. Walk’s dead, yeah… I know…

“… Hey, it’s not like I’m not sad about it, alright? But guys, you know, all we have to do is rewrite this world, and then… and then…”

“… Then Walk and the Children will come back? Anti, my brother, do you know why we are both so dejected about all this? Do you know why I am so dejected about this? It’s because…”

I slump to the floor, with the broom just beside me.

“… to achieve eternal happiness, isn’t just as simple as ‘achieving everyone’s dreams’… There is still something… something that we don’t understand…”

Sigh. I was delusional the whole time, wasn’t I? I mean, the act of achieving one’s dreams in itself is a splendid thing, and it certainly will enhance one’s happiness, but…

… that act alone will not free us from Samsara, will it?

I bend down and reach for the broom beside Dream. I toss it at the winged bitch.

“Take it. Fucking take it, you little shit. Do whatever you want, rewrite this world or whatever, I don’t care.”

… Huh? But, Mother… why are you so… cold? I mean, yeah, you definitely should be mad at me, but…

“… But Mother, by rewriting this world, I could bring Walk and the Children back, you know…”

“Then fucking do it! Don’t just talk pointless words, dammit. Do it!”

I really don’t get it now… she’s not even denying the possibility of me bringing them back, so why…

… why is she still so indifferent about this?

Sigh, my brother Anti… that astonished look on your face, with your arms mildly shaking and your shades tilted slightly off-centre… Dammit, you’re so naïve! Of course I’m excited to hear that you might bring them back, no matter how unreasonable that sounds, but… dammit, it’s just, it’s just…

“Anti, I think she’s mad because you could’ve at least tried to talk to her into letting Walk fulfil her dreams, but instead, you allied with the enemy and waged war against her, so…”

I don’t usually get mad, but I feel searing heat raging up my throat.

“What the hell, dude? Seriously? We agreed to this idea! Dammit! You want to blame me, fine! But weren’t you completely fine with this plan? You’re as much to blame for this as me, dude! Dammit!”

… I shouldn’t have said that, but… sigh, he’s right.

“Yeah, I mean, but things… things were different, weren’t they? We didn’t take into account the Children, nor the box, nor… nor…”

“Admit it, dude, you didn’t think Mother would agree to a mere ‘negotiation’, didn’t you? Shit! And working together with the enemy was your idea, wasn’t it? You think that you were so great and smart and shit, what’s with all your pointless blabber about achieving everyone’s dreams to achieve Nirvana?! Dammit, you were mistaken, Dream! You were absolutely mistaken!”

“Did you have a better idea, asshole? Shit, at least I tried to console Mother after all that happened with the box! What the hell did you do? You simply, and heartlessly, went to get the Lord’s Spine, went to get Walk, and fucking left! What the hell were you thinking, man? Mother—no, all of us were clearly traumatized by all that! And you just… fucking left!”

“You know why I left, Dream? It’s because I actually believed in my dream, and I still believe that by rewriting the world, we will all be happy forever! I believed, and still believe that the trauma and sadness from that event could be rewritten out of existence! Unlike you, Dream, you gave up before I achieved my dream. Dammit, and you emphasized that Nirvana will only be attained once everyone fulfil their dreams! Now, it’s like you’re not even including me in that ‘everyone’! Dammit Don’t you know how I feel about that? Don’t you?!”

… Yeah. Yeah, I do, Anti… I mean… that is why this world is in such a dire state, isn’t it?

And all of these… pointless arguments… meaningless to the core… the deterioration of this world… and the inhabitants in it…

You, me, Walk, and Mother… We are simply destined… destined for…

 

 

 

THE LONELY ENDING

 

 

 

… Sigh.

“Then do it, Anti. Mother gave you the broom, so rewrite the world already. Why dabble in this pointless argument?”

Those brothers can argue all they want, I don’t care. Shit, there’s no point anymore.

While I was sweeping the Spine, I wished for the Spinal Cord to be free from the Lightless Field.

It was for this reason.

In the end, as much as the Lord of Stagnation is in pieces, as much as the Warm Chair is still on the Spine…

… the home of stagnation remains.

… and I… actually liked it there… Samsara…

… at least, you know, I feel… protected.

… I felt… the comfort… of a home.

“Hey, Mother, I’m coming with you. Hey!”

Ah, do whatever you want, Dream. I don’t care. You could go rewrite the world with Anti, I don’t care. You could come with me, I don’t care.

I just want some peaceful time away from this shitty world.

“Mother, hey, wait up!”

I don’t understand.

I don’t fucking understand.

“Why?! Why?! Seriously? After all the efforts we made in trying to achieve Nirvana, you two decided to just waltz back to that damned cave. Seriously? The hell? You know, if you guys are that hooked up on your sadness and trauma, I can easily just rewrite them away! It’s simple! You will never have any more sadness and trauma to begin with! The box incident would never have happened! With that, all of us can finally be happy toge-”

“Then do it, Anti. Do it. Rewrite the world. Rewrite our sadness away. Make us happy together. Give us all a happy ending. You can do that, can’t you?”

“Ugh, shit, fine! I’ll do it! I’ll fucking do it! And you’ll see that I’m right!”

Dammit. They don’t understand me. They don’t understand how I’m feeling. Of course I can just rewrite those sadness out of existence, it’s just… it’s just…

Anti, my brother, I know exactly how you’re feeling. Of course you believe that you could just rewrite the world and make us all happy again, and we could all finally be together again, and we…

… we could love each other again…

But I would have felt this too, if I were in your position. If you could simply “rewrite the world” to make us love ourselves, or at least learn to love ourselves, then…

 

 

 

… will we still be our “true selves”, or will we be mere ghosts in the shapes of ourselves?

 

 

 

“Hey, Angel, what will you do now?”

 

 

 

(Angel. Spine of the World)

Dream and Grey Mother both disappear to the left. They reach the end of the Spine, before descending down the extrusions on the side. The Island of I. They could no longer be seen.

Anti stands two metres to the right of me. He sits on the ground, bending his knees upwards. The broom is in his right hand. He places it on the ground. He leans back; his hands press onto the ground, supporting his weight.

He looks up to the sky. The unmoving sun. His mouth is slightly opened, but he does not sigh. He inhales loudly, and exhales slowly, but he does not sigh.

Slightly behind me, I peek into the gap in between two vertebrae. The Lightless Field has disappeared after Grey Mother swept the Spine. The inside of the Cord is actually quite bright, thanks to the sun eternally shining through the large fifty-centimetre gaps in between the vertebrae.

And there are voices echoing from the Spine.

“Mother, hey, wait up! Dammit, you’re fast.”

“… Why? You don’t have to follow me, you know.”

“I know, but I’m worried; I’m worried about you.”

“Am I that weak that you have to worry about me? I’ll be fine; I don’t plan on going back to those forms.”

 “Mother, no, it’s not… it’s not just about that… It’s… ugh… I can’t… I can’t… I mean, at least you understand me a little better, I think.”

“What? I don’t even understand myself; how could I ever understand you?”

“That’s the thing, you see. You understand how it feels to not understand yourself, and that’s what I feel too…”

“Dream, that doesn’t make a goddamned sense. Ugh… I mean, if I have understood you, I wouldn’t have put you through such torture back then, you know.”

“You didn’t understand me, but you do now. We can grow and change for the better, Mother.”

“… Why are you so nice to me? You were the part of the Angel that I wanted to get rid of the most, you know?”

“Well, you’re not shooing me off, so yeah, I don’t think you want to murder me now.”

“… I don’t understand.”

“Mother, you’re absolutely mistaken. We don’t understand.”

“If I’m absolutely mistaken, then that makes you absolutely mistaken as well, Dream.”

“Well… I’m not denying it. Haha.”

“You’re weird, Dream.”

“And aren’t you the most normal person ever, Mother?”

“… You know Anti can listen to our every word, right? He’s literally above us.”

“Mother, why do you care? I thought you hated him?”

“I did, and I still do, which is why I’d rather not have him eavesdropping on us.”

“Mother, I don’t think we understand him.”

“You understand him, I don’t. And I don’t ever plan to.”

“Mother, aren’t we all just… lonely beings?”

“Yeah, we are, so why aren’t you bugging him instead of me?”

“Because he’s gonna rewrite the world in such a way that he’ll be surrounded by… friends.”

“Or he’ll be surrounded by ghosts.”

“Mother…”

The voices disappear.

One minute. Two minutes. Three minutes.

He finally sighs.

“Dammit… ah, shit…”

He clenches his right fist and slams his knuckles onto the ground. Two more times. He raises that same fist and hammers himself in the right temple. He spits some blood to the ground.

He sighs again. His right fingers are numbly paralyzed in the oddest angles. His right temple swells to the size of a baseball.

He takes out a white box of cigarette from his right breast pocket. He pulls out a stick. He pulls out a lighter from his other breast pocket. He lights the stick.

He inhales deeply. He exhales slowly.

“Man… this world truly is poisoned… nothing ever goes right in this place. I mean, it’s so simple; I just have to rewrite the world, and everyone will be happy. All our sufferings, all our pains, all our lamentations regarding Samsara—the beginningless and endless cycle of death and rebirth… all will be cleansed from our diseased hearts.”

He turns his head; his shades pointed at my direction.

“Angel… man, why is this world of yours so full of fuckups? And, and… these fuckups aren’t even normal fuckups… it’s like, I don’t even understand why things just fuck up here and there. Like, we’re almost there, almost reaching Nirvana, and yet… and yet…”

He inhales more tobacco. He keeps inhaling. Seven seconds. The smoke slowly streams through his nostrils. He shakes his head.

“… Sigh. I guess Dream’s feeling the same thing, huh? Just that, well, he has Mother to accompany him.”

Another prolonged puff.

“The last time I was on the Spine, Walk was still here. And now… You know, Angel, it’s funny, because when Walk merged with you after you appeared, if Dream didn’t stab Walk out of you then, well, she would actually be here now, inside of you, cause you know, you’re an empty vessel and all that, and…”

A silence.

“I-I’m sorry, you’re not offended or anything, right? I mean, ah, dammit, Anti, what are you thinking? Ugh. It’s just… it’s just, I mean, perhaps you would jump off the Spine instead of her, since she was inside of you that time, and…”

A silence.

“Gah. Fine. I mean, it’s hard if you just stand there and look down at me, you know. I mean… you’re not offended, right?”

A silence. To be honest, I don’t really mind.

“Sigh. Angel, sit down. Stop standing; it makes me feel weird to have someone literally looking down onto me.”

So, I sit.

“After Walk separated from you, you definitely seemed a lot quieter, huh? You stopped asking questions, you stopped being shocked at anything, and your face just… became stagnant. Why, though? I mean, you don’t need to talk if you don’t want to; it’s not like I’m expecting you t-”

“There’s no place for me in this world.”

He raises his eyebrows. His jaws dangle off his chin, ever so slightly.

“What do you mean?”

“There’s still something we don’t understand.”

“And… I don’t understand what you don’t understand.”

I lean back; my hands pressing onto the ground behind me, supporting my weight.

“This world only has a place for one Angel, who has died and rebirthed into all of you. So why… why am I here?”

“Is this… why you’ve suddenly became so indifferent towards everything? Just because you don’t know the answer to one question?”

I look at him. The wrinkles on his face seemingly multiplied since the time Grey Mother and Dreamer left for Samsara.

“Take off your shades.”

“… Huh?”

“Take them off.”

“But… sigh, I don’t even know what you’re thinking man…”

A silence.

“You know what? Fine. I won’t even question.”

He takes off his shades. The wrinkles on his face seemingly orbit around the black holes surrounding his eyes.

“You said our hearts are diseased, haven’t you, Anti?”

“Yeah, I did, but what does that have to do with my eyes… or your indifference?”

A silence.

“Man, you’re weird, you know?”

“Do you truly believe that you can rewrite this world in such a way that everyone will be happy?”

“Now you just keep changing topics here and there, dammit. I don’t… sigh, even if I answer, you’re just gonna ask me another unrelated question, aren’t you? Why do I even bother…?”

He looks at me. I look at him. A minute passes.

“Well, I could try.”

“And that would help us achieve Nirvana?”

“It could, man… It could…”

“What is Nirvana?”

“Okay, you know, cut to the chase, man, I don’t even know where you’re going with thi-”

“For you to say that the simple act of ‘achieving your dream’ of rewriting the world is the key to achieving happiness, to achieving Nirvana, isn’t that the same belief that Walk, Dream, and Mother had?”

He wants to say something. He swallows his words.

“Well… I can’t deny that, but this is different; this is literally rewriting the world. This is… all their dreams… they were made in such a specific sequence—Walk empowering those beings causing them to aggravate their mental conflict, Dream exploiting that mental conflict to take control over them, and Mother exploiting the control over them to annihilate them… they were all… so that the rewriting of the world could be made possible, so…”

“So just because so many steps were involved and so many things had to happen for your dream to be possible, then it is certainly the path to Nirvana?”

“I mean, it could b-”

“What is the true meaning of Samsara? Is it as simple and direct as ‘the beginningless and endless cycle of death and rebirth’?”

“You see, this is exactly what I meant by you constantly changing topi-”

“You think that the Angel dying and rebirthing into Fatherson Spirit and Spirit of Mother, and them dying and rebirthing into the four of you… you think that that alone constitutes the phrase ‘Samsara’?”

“Hey, man, seriously, chill the hell o-”

“To forsake everything in the world, all your friendships, all your humanity, all your trust and humility, for the sake of your ‘dreams’… isn’t that equivalent to dying and rebirthing over and over again, killing your ‘self’ in the eyes of others, over and over again, until you lose everyone around you because of your greed?”

“Dude…”

“To lament day by day, night by night, in utter disharmony and dissatisfaction, and believing that the only way to be happy is through achieving your ‘dream’, as if the outcome of that one dream could magically cure that stagnant mental rot in our minds… isn’t that equivalent to dying and rebirthing over and over again, killing off whatever satisfaction you may gain in your daily lives because ‘you don’t deserve to be happy until you achieve your dreams’, over and over again, until you lose all your happiness because of your delusion?”

“Stop…”

“And because of all this, you start to hate yourself more and more, and you start to wish harm upon yourself and averse yourself from conflicting thoughts and different ideas—all beautiful parts of being human, and splitting yourself up into various identities—various rebirths, in order to continue hating each other… isn’t that equivalent to dying and rebirthing over and over again, killing off whoever you were originally, and in this case, killing off the Angel, Fatherson Spirit, and Spirit of Mother, and soon, the entire world, until you lose the memory of your true self because of your hatred?”

“Hey… hey Angel… hey…”

I rise from the ground.

“You’re tired, aren’t you, Anti? You know that achieving Nirvana isn’t as simple as this, yet you chose to believe this… or perhaps, you just didn’t have a choice.”

And his eyes are shaky. And his arms are shaky. And the cigarette stick wedged between his lips falls off due to the shakiness.

“Angel… So… But… it’s unfair… it’s so, so unfair… I mean, if you’re right, then… there’s no way we can… there’s no way…”

 I turn towards the direction of the Cliff. I slowly walk forward.

“Anti, remember I said that there’s still something we don’t understand?”

“Huh…? I mean, we don’t even know what we don’t unders-”

“You were right to call our hearts diseased, but we can only do so much to cure it. No matter how hard we fight, no matter how hard we try to believe in ourselves…”

I let out a sigh.

“… as long as he continues to enviously thirst for such a faraway smile…”

 

 

 

“… we will never attain the antidotes to the three poisons that diseased this world.”

 

 

 

So, I walk away. I walk toward the direction of the Cliff. There was nothing I needed to say anymore.

Anti asked me how we could cure the disease of the world. Frankly, I didn’t know back then.

And I still don’t know now, as my feet steps onto the peak of the Cliff.

There was nothing I could say, nothing I could do.

Anti asked me why I was so silent the whole time, right up till the end when I just blabbered everything out. Frankly, I didn’t know back then.

But I know now. I was given the time.

The time to observe myself from a distance.

The time to witness the interactions of my many selves and the time to understand the root cause of the disease.

And it all narrows to a single event—the incident with the white box.

It was the turning point. The anomaly. The culmination of the chain of events that stemmed from the hypothesis that sweeping the Spine will bring happiness to the world.

The interruption to the routine.

I walk down the rail-less flight of stairs spiralling down the Cliff. Certainly unnerving, though, death is meaningless in this world. I can fall off and have my body split into a thousand pieces, and I will most likely be fine.

We were under the notion that the foreign beings—the Underwater People and Philosopher Corals, were out to kill us. We witnessed their powers first-hand in the Beautiful Field, and it was after that, that we believed that there was a higher power ruling over us. The Gods in the sky, shielded by the Comfort Zone, and in their place, they rained down their avatars in order to “enlighten” us.

They were all… just mere hypotheses, no?

Just a belief. A way for us to understand the chaos of this world. A method to justify the endless suffering that seemed to come and go for no reason at all. A purpose to continue fighting.

And the only one who understood the true situation… was Walk.

It was why she was so desperate to read the book, to make sense of the suffering and our true purpose in this world.

And to achieve that, she had to empower the avatars of Gods to gain the Gods’ “permission” to read the book.

All the others didn’t understand her purpose of doing that, especially Mother who viewed her empowerment of the avatars as an affront to the integrity of the world.

And even though Dream and Anti supported her dream, it was only to advance their dream of Nirvana, which involved ridding the world of the avatars, as well.

So those three of them ultimately had the same goal. Walk was the odd one out.

There were four questions regarding the so-called “avatars of Gods” who poured down onto this world in the form of bloodied corpses.

The first, they didn’t look like they were suffering or screaming on the way down, even though they were skinless and should have felt excruciating amount of pain. Were they already dead before they hit the ground?

The second, the Bloody Rain never actually fell onto the areas where I was sleeping—the Island of I. In fact, the sound of the Rain actually soothed me into a deeper sleep, perhaps due to my ease in knowing that I was not alone. Ultimately, the Rain itself never intended to harm me. So why were we hellbent on destroying the offsprings of the Bloody Rain—the Underwater People and Philosopher Corals?

And now there’s a third question. Why am I having the memories of the “first” Angel?

And now one can’t help but wonder, who is the Angel?

But I am certain of one thing. The “Gods” do not intend to ruin this world, and neither do their “avatars”. However, it is only after hitting the ground, dissolving into Soup, splitting into two, and compensating half the lost portion of Soup with that of this world, that those beings became malicious.

And malicious as they may have seemed, they truly wanted to be my friends, our friends, and thus they have built the City to replicate the normalcy of a happy life, and constructed the Beautiful Field within the depths of the Tower, protected from all sides by the Abyss.

They truly wanted to be happy… And since they were amalgamations of both this world, and that of the outside…

And if I am the world, and the world is I…

Everyone from the outside world wanted to be my friend. I wanted myself to be my own friend.

But Spirit of Mother was overwhelmed by the fear of losing everyone. And that fear manifested in the form…

… of the white box.

A precognition of a future that may never happen, yet fear is a devil, grasping its claws around Mother’s neck, suffocating her bit by bit, until the notion of losing everyone becomes ingrained into her very heart…

And as the world of her heart becomes that of the white box, with Walk and the Children in it… it was just an impulse, but the moment she took the first move in killing one of our odd-looking but ultimately kind-hearted friends…

The world has essentially killed itself. And with that…

That precognition of an eventual sunset… is now set in stone.

 

 

 

The world is now dying.

 

 

 

I finally reach the base of the Cliff. I walk straight ahead, toward the direction of the Tower.

But I do not plan on going to the Tower. I simply plan to stay in the centre of it all; the midpoint of the City of Sleep, and the origin point of this Dusty-Spined Star.

And I walk. And I walk for three kilometres. And I arrive at this spot.

The beginning.

The place of my “birth” twenty-five years ago.

The place of my “second coming” after Walk leaped off the Island with Father.

And I close my eyes.

I concentrate.

I relax.

I feel the weight of the large fig tree directly above me. I feel the spot where the Lord of Stagnation used to reside directly below me.

And I feel, left and right, up and down, towards and from all directions, I feel the essence of the world.

And I feel the three poisons of the world shimmering below the surfaces.

Greed. Delusion. Hatred.

And I see… I see…

… the flower-shirted being.

The being stands in front of me. The eyes of the being look worn from overwork…

… or worn from the suffering of this world.

“Angel…”

“Yeah, you’re extremely disappointed in me, aren’t you?”

“… Angel…”

“Isn’t this what you wanted?”

“I don’t understand.”

“There are a lot of things that we don’t understand.”

“I didn’t, I mean… Anti’s going to rewrite the world, but…”

“Hey, do you expect me to feel bad about you, or something? After all you did to us.”

“You will never understand how I feel.”

“Yeah, and I don’t care.”

“… Huh?”

“Why are you surprised? Again, after all you did to us.”

“I mean… I… I…”

“You… are extremely disappointed in me, in us, aren’t you? Oh, maybe not Anti, because he’s doing what you wanted now.”

“No, I just…”

“You wanted Walk to be gone forever, didn’t you? Look at what happened to this world now, after she’s gone.”

“No, you don’t understand! She was… she was impeding on my plans for a perfect world for the other Gods…”

“So why did you summon me back?”

“Who said I…”

“Who else could it be? What, you expect me to magically save this world or something? Oh wait, I can’t, even if I wanted to. Because you were disappointed in me.”

“I mean, things are different now and…”

“Why do you keep trailing off your sentences? Are you that insecure and uncertain about what to say? You can’t even be honest to me, can you?”

“It’s not like that, it’s just…”

“Oh wait, I was an extreme disappointment. Of course you didn’t trust me, even though you trusted me with the book.”

“Sigh… I mean, I just really wanted to… Ah, shit, why are you talking to me like this? In this tone?! Who do you think I am?!”

“You’re a nobody. You’re just a Tourist. That’s what you told me, twenty-five years ago.”

“W-wait, how did you remember that far? I thought the time spent in stagnation ruined your memory?”

“Twenty-five years…”

“Yeah, twenty-five years, so that’s a really long ti-”

“Twenty-five years, do you really think twenty-five years have actually passed? How could we even tell time in this place, when the sun does not set, and the moon does not rise?”

“What do you mean?”

“It could just be a split second. It could be all eternity. Who knows, my friend, who knows?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Again, there are a lot of things that we don’t understand.”

“… Dammit, stop repeating that line! Stupid! You’re stupid, Angel! I’m extremely disappointed in you! It was because of you, that this world is so fucking poisoned! I gave you twenty-five years, and all you gave me is this fucking bullshit of a world! How dare you stand up to m-”

“Can you be a little more consistent for a second? One moment you’re disappointed, and one moment you’re on the verge of breaking down. Make up your mind, Tourist.”

“I don’t need you to tell me how to behave, you little shit! Dammit, if only I didn’t bring you back a-”

“There are three poisons in this world, Tourist. Where do you think those poisons came from?”

“Stop interrupting me, An-”

“Soon, Anti will rewrite this world, and this empty vessel of mine shall return to this world as Soup. You should leave, Tourist, lest you intend to be devoured by… whatever’s going to happen.”

“You don’t need to tell me how to live m-”

“So, you actually intend on getting yourself devoured?”

 “Fuck off, why can’t you just behave in accordance with what I want you to b-”

“Like the Ghosts of Everything? Am I a Ghost to you, Tourist? I mean, you’ve been touring around the many worlds out there, and you’ve certainly met a lot of Ghosts, so tell me, am I, Angel, a Ghost to you?”

“Dammit! Stop cutting me off, you li-”

“And you’re still avoiding the question. So, do you actually intend on getting yourself devoured?”

“I refuse to let you jud-”

“Tourist, why are you crying?”

“You’re trying to make these b-blatant accusations a-”

“Tourist, why are you crying?”

“Fuck you! I’m going to murder you!”

“Well, I’m going to be devoured anyway, so it doesn’t make a difference. Unlike you, who can still go back to the outside world, of which you came from.”

“You don’t understand me, Angel, you don’t und-”

“Or… you don’t want to go back to where you came from?”

“I… I…”

“So, you actually intend on getting yourself devoured?”

“I…”

“Tourist, my friend…”

 

 

 

“… why are you crying?”

 

 

 

---

- Meanwhile –

 (“An Endless Beginning, Under the Unmoving Sun” by Angel)

A sun and a moon

as the sun never sets, will the moon ever rise

as long as the sky is blue, an absent clockwise

a spirit wails from the Island below

washing away all their heartfelt sorrow

the pain, the heart-breaking suffering of loss

a thirst unquenched, as the Soup’s covered in moss

the Lord of Stagnation sits thinly on the throne

lamenting without tears that the world’s all alone

and a disease, the world is so sick, neurotic

the mind, motionless, absolutely chaotic

those beings are but an escape from the psychotic

to submit to endless death and rebirth, hypnotic

 

A sun and a moon

a really desperate hope that we will all be happy soon

a meditative journey under the long-eternal noon

or is it that we are simply waiting for a big typhoon

to sweep us all away, like the dust on the beautiful Spine

a steady rhythm in line, whenever our dreams intertwine

and to love myself and my heart, or is this just a mere sign

of a death and rebirth of a body that is not mine

 

And I’ll see you soon

I’ll see you underneath the millions of gorgeous stars

raining down from the heavens spanning so wide and far

but before that, I must

walk the grey purposeless path to that Dusty-Spined Star

for that, I must

regain control of the pains crawling under my scars

and someday, I must

conquer the inner demons of this world so bizarre

 

In the beginning

there was a beginningless

and endless cycle of death and rebirth

and there were but three poisons

that have diseased the world from the very start

in the end

there was a beginningless

and endless cycle of greed, delusion, and hatred

and a disappointment

has disharmonized the spirits of our hearts

 

And when that time comes

the three poisons in the world will have fully spread

how beautiful it will be, the path we will tread

but suffering never ends, no tears will be shed

for I hold the cure to my sickness up ahead

and when that time comes

together we will be, frolicking hand-in-hand

along the road to extinction on the white sands

singing to the requiem of the diseased land

by the throne of poison, it will be our last stand

 

And I’ll see you soon

when that time comes

the fated day when

at long last

I open my heart

and whisper to you

I love you

with all of my heart

 

 

 

---

- End of Chapter 7: Ghosts

 

 

 

 

 

***