I'm a renegade.

TODAY. Yes today, is the second last day of my form four life. Really, things happened I guess, too many at once.

I'm lost.

Wait, what happened? What did I just do this year? What did I gain this year? What did I lost this year? There are literally myriads of questions lacerating my mind, anxiously waiting for myself to answer them.

And I couldn't, well for now.

I've experienced life in a whole new environment, went through heaps of adventures, various ups and downs, challenges, and a shifted mindset. All in eleven months.

I need a rest.

As my life is spent being the only child of a very protective family, I took much longer to grow up mentally, and my mindset was always of a child; throwing tantrums at random situations, not understanding various situations, and was a shy, cowardly boy. I didn't understand what are friends, and didn't appreciate them. I was just a video game nerd, and maybe a study nerd. I didn't understand life.

Even when they were right in front of me, my friends, I did not see or hear them as true friends, I did not understand them, I thought being alone was enough to sustain life.

2011.

It took me five months to realize that at least one true friend is required to be there for me, and eleven months for me to realize that all of them were, and still are always there for me. Which simply means that I just began to understand who and what friends are for, and learned to appreciate them.

EPC, the group that I'm part of, the group which consists of people from different background, with varying personalities, attitudes, and interests. They changed my life drastically, maturing my sophomoric mentality, and made me realize who I truly am.

But I executed a fatal mistake. I thought EPC was my life, and that I did not need anyone else.

I played the role of a renegade, a rebel, in my other group of friends, the group which was with me for two years and accepted me for who I am.

And I regretted.

"If ever I get there, it won't be fast enough. I'm a renegade, I always was." Renegade - Paramore