5: Equinox
I did not get any sleep at all last
night. This fucking sucks. But it’s all for Silvia Grace.
I should stop exploring the
fictional world. Maybe I can find more clues in the real world. It’s been quite some time since I’ve been out there. All
the scary people, all the meanies, all the weird, ugly, dirty people…
… I think I’m going to be alright…
So I’m now sitting on a long bench
in the middle of… somewhere. I don’t know. How can I see shit with all these
fuckers walking around? It’s great that I’ve brought my laptop with me, because
I feel safe behind a screen. I’m only confident when I express myself through
words. No, writing on paper won’t do, because there’s no spelling check. What if I
make spelling mistakes?
It’s been an hour. This is a
fucking waste of time, don’t you agree? I mean, why do I even care so much
about Silvia Grace? Yes, she’s my favourite character, but for fuck’s sake, she’s
hindering the progression of my
writing!
I’m now sitting by the streets. There
are probably only five people here. None of them are looking at me. No! Fuck
you! There’s a fucking ass baby staring at me! Just, shoo! Stop! He’s gone.
Good.
Yes… all is good…
Fuck everything in life. It’s
already the next day, I think? Shit. I wasted a whole day. Now what?
I am sobbing. I can’t control it. Help
me… Why the hell am I so useless? I just want to be… someone.
Wait, I am seeing something. No. I
have to approach it.
I’m back home… I’m fucked.
So… I saw this woman. A sweeper. On
the streets. Sweeping. Sweeping. What does a sweeper even do? Keep a place
clean?
Everyone litters. And when someone
cleans them up, people treat them like shit. But they’re humans too.
But me? But… I’m just me. But…
The woman, she was fucking Equinox el’Eriathas. She was fucking with
me. Why could I see her? I thought I could only see her in my fantasies. Why… in
real life?
It’s only 6pm.
I head back. I’m here. The place I
cried. I am seeing her. I cannot stop writing. This laptop is my shield. I’m
waiting. For her. To come closer.
She is closer.
Closer.
“Young man, why are you so afraid?”
That’s what she said. I cannot look
up. She’s five feet from my face. Her tone is soft. But I’m scared.
Because I… was once a sweeper.
Isn’t she afraid of me? I’m sitting
here trembling so hard that people thought I’m possessed. I’m typing so loud it’s
like I have metallic fingers. I’m so emaciated, so thin, so fleshless, I look
like a corpse.
Yes, I created her, I created
Equinox el’Eriathas, so I should know better than this, but, but, but,
WHY ISN’T SHE AFRAID?
How can a sweeper watch a fellow
sweeper turn into shit and still maintain a straight face?
No. Stay away. Please, be afraid of
me. I take back my words. Don’t. Come. Closer. I am moving a few inches back. She
moves a few inches forwa- no fuck you!
Don’t move!
I feel a wall. It’s behind me. I’m
leaning on it.
Be afraid be afraid be afraid be
afraid be afraid be afraid be afraid be afraid
No. Not afraid. No.
WHY?
I hear a voice. It said something
like “Stop!” I think. I don’t know. Yes. The sweeper is turning around. Yes.
Go. Yes, she went. Away she goes!
I’m back home.
Phew. I hope that’s it. I can no
longer trust my characters. I don’t even want to explore my characters’ pasts
anymore. But… Silvia Grace… She’s…
Hey, you. Yeah, the one reading
this. You’re my only friend now. Everyone in the world hates me. My own
characters hate me…
I promise I won’t desert you.
Yes, I deserted everyone, but I won’t
do the same to you. I promise. Okay?
All you have to do is save me.
Protect me.
I’m innocent.
Will you sleep with me? Don’t
worry, my bed’s big enough. If you like, you can take the whole bed; I’ll sleep
on the floor.
If you want coffee, just ask
R.E.T.I.N.A.
Me? I don’t think I need coffee
now. I need a good night’s sleep. I hope you understand me, my dear.
Tomorrow will be a busy day for me.
I will head back to the place where I cried.
The Green Market.
I have to settle this; for my sake,
for your sake. Please do not miss me too much, sweetheart, for tomorrow’s the third day.
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