The Writer's Block, Chapter 3

3: R.E.T.I.N.A.

“You’re the legendary warrior, Sir William Johnson, aren’t you?”

“O dear… To me, you’re a stranger, but O dear, O dear, O dear… What has happened to a young man like you? If knowing me will help you, then by all means, Sir William Johnson is I.”

No, no, no! Shuma-Ti is supposed to knock on that door! I simply changed the future, how can the past be affec-

“Why, your kindness is absolute, worthy of a respected warrior! Indeed, I look disgusting, there is no need to hide it. But that is not what I’m here for.”

“O young man, please do come in before you continue. Have a seat! A cup of coffee will be served to you by yours truly! Make yourself at home.”

Hyperia smiles and goes in. It sits on a soft cushioned chair. William Johnson takes note of the creature’s arms and legs. They are gross, yet beautiful.

“There is no need for coffee, sir. Coffee is a drug; I don’t take drugs.”

“I fully understand that, young man. Now, to me, and a secret I will keep if you wish, let out your heart and liberate your words!”

Yes, I want to know too. Tell me. Come on, speak up, Hyperia!

“Sir, I know that I will leave this world ten days later. It can only be avoided if I become a legendary warrior like you. Please, sir, teach me your ways!”

… This is unexpected.

“O young man, know that yours truly is haunted by inescapable darkness. I cannot teach you, although I would die for the sake of you. If you, O young man, is as dark as me, then a fate worse than death, it will be!”

You know what, I’ll stop being surprised. I mean, Silvia Grace, whom I created, just died without me planning it. That’s weird enough.

Well, R.E.T.I.N.A. was originally going to appear at this point; it is a robotic maid that is to be powered solely by William Johnson’s goodwill. After he is corrupted, R.E.T.I.N.A. will continue to do good things, such as helping old ladies cross the street, in attempt to redeem the sinful actions of the darkened William Johnson.

But I guess the robot is no longer needed…

“Sir, I have to deny that. I know that you will no longer turn bad.”

“O young man, I believe you entirely.”

… Don’t ask. William Johnson knows whether or not people are lying. He can read faces.

“Sir, now that you know you’re not going to be a bad guy, what are you going to do?”

“O young man, a warrior of justice, I may be, but all of man have unfulfilled dreams; an engineer, I will like to be.”

“I wholeheartedly support you, sir! But can you teach me how to be a legendary warrior?”

“After this, O young man.”

William Johnson walks to a nearby mineral cave to mine iron. After twenty minutes, he walks out with a sack full of iron.

Another twenty minutes pass. William Johnson breathes a sigh of relief. He smiles at his masterpiece. Hyperia cheers enthusiastically. William Johnson names the robot “R.E.T.I.N.A.”.

Oh great. How should I eliminate William Johnson now? I can’t manipulate the story too much, because the past will be affected… somehow.

Maybe if I don’t make his death permanent…

William Johnson falls. He dies from a heart attack.

Um, nope. Silvia Grace is still dead.

R.E.T.I.N.A. resurrects him.

I’m too lazy to go online and search for “realistic” resurrection methods, so I’ll leave it like that.

“What happened, sir?”

“Absolutely nothing, O young man.”

“Okay, sir.”

Damn, how can Silvia Grace still be dead? Just when did William Johnson kill her? Maybe if I continue, I might get some answers.

“Sir, will you teach me how to be a legendary warrior?”

“I am pleased to, young man. R.E.T.I.N.A., you are allowed to leave and contribute to man!”

R.E.T.I.N.A. leaves the house. It has a female figure, slightly shorter than the moderately-tall William Johnson. Its face is covered with iron. Its entire body is bland grey in colour.

Oh, and R.E.T.I.N.A. stands for Really Extremely Totally Incredibly Natural Ass. I forgot to emphasize the roundness of her butt in the above paragraph, but I don’t think I have to.

William Johnson has an eccentric sense of humour.

R.E.T.I.N.A. floats to the Green Market. The market is crowded. R.E.T.I.N.A. hates crowds. It shies to a corner near the main road. It stumbles across an elderly woman who is having trouble crossing the busy street.

“Aging lady detected. Engaging command, ‘Assistance in Crossing Road’.”

It floats towards the elderly woman. It holds her left arm. Its eyes fixate on her right hand, which is holding a wooden broom.

No! This whole story is fucked up! What is she doing here? She’s supposed to be a minor character! No, minor is an overstatement; I planned to dedicate only one paragraph to her!

“Young lady… I appreciate it… very much. You’re so kind…”

“Appreciation detected.  Initializing action, ‘Smile’.”

The two safely cross the road.

This is lame! Lamest shit ever! This tells me nothing about Silvia Grace’s death! Stupid, stupid, stupid!

“Thank you… You’re the sweetest young lady on the planet.”

She is not supposed to be so soft-hearted! She’s meant to be a mean character! She’s a killer! How can a mere robot change her?

Damn you, R.E.T.I.N.A.; you’ve ruined all this shit! Just go… do good things somewhere else; don’t help Equinox el’Eriathas for fuck’s sake! Her only role in the story is to sweep and be a bitch!

R.E.T.I.N.A. leaves the Green Market and heads back to the home of William Johnson, where the latter is training Hyperia at the small open area outside the wooden house.

“O my masterpiece, you’re back! Words cannot describe my happiness. If you are without problem or worry, will you prepare a cup of coffee for me?”

R.E.T.I.N.A. heads to the kitchen to prepare coffee.

Twenty minutes later, William Johnson and Hyperia re-enters the house.

“O my masterpiece, I sincerely offer my warmest thanks to you for this aromatic cup of coffee! Now, tell me, if it is something you are not told to keep secret, how have you contributed to man today?”

“R.E.T.I.N.A. helped a woman cross the street.”

“How wonderful, that is! If the woman is one you know of, can I know who she is?”

“The woman is Silvia Grace.”